Hallelujah
by stripedheart
Summary: Music brings us together.
1. I Wish It Would Rain

**Hallelujah**

_Five Years Ago_

_"Ashley, wait up!" Aiden dodged a huge senior as he dashed down the hall, bookbag swinging from one arm and barely missing some girl's head. Ashley stopped in front of the open classroom door and turned around to see the brunette boy sprinting toward her. He finally caught up, panting a little, chest pushed out. Ashley smirked._

_"It's probably a bad sign for basketball tryouts that you're panting after running five feet." Ashley smiled up at her best friend, eyebrow raised. Aiden chuckled, flashing pearly whites and bracing his hand on the door beside her. _

_"Because you know everything about basketball." He smirked, shifting his bag on his shoulder. Ashley rolled her eyes and stepped into the classroom they were standing in front of. Aiden followed her inside. "You know, maybe if you went to _one _of my games, I would take that comment into consideration. But seeing as you-" Ashley cut him off._

_"You know how many basketball games I've _played_ with you? Shouldn't that count for something?" Ashley countered, crossing the huge classroom to get to her other best friend/half-sister. She climbed over a bench to sit down beside Kyla, who was staring intently down at her cell phone. _

_"No. I mean- no." Aiden took his spot on the other side of Kyla and dropped a kiss onto her head. _

_"Hey babe." Kyla siad, not glancing up from her phone. Aiden looked around her to Ashley._

_"Promise if I make JV you'll go to, like, one game." He said seriously. Ashley looked up from where she was reading whatever was on Kyla's phone. She gave Aiden a look._

_"Fine, I promise I'll go to, like, one game." She said in a mocking 'Aiden-voice', rolling her eyes. _

_"Good." Aiden said, leaning back against the wall and strectching his feet out. Outside, the late bell rang loudly. Their teacher was no where in sight, but no one else save a few other freshmen noticed. "Where's...what's her name?" Aiden asked, pulling his schedule out of his back pocket._

_"James. Ms. James." Kyla said, finally putting her phone away. "And I don't know, she wasn't here earlier."_

_"How are you always so early?" Ashley asked, matching Aiden's slumped position against the wall. Kyla raised an eyebrow her way._

_"I don't know, because I don't stop to talk to everyone I know on the way to class?" She asked, giving her sister the look she was known for. Suddenly, the lights shut off, leaving everyone in grey darkness. A semi-short woman- about the same height as Ashley -appeared in the middle of the classroom._

_"Hi. I'm Ms. James. Welcome to Advanced Chorus." _

IOIOIOI

The room was big- bigger than most of the classrooms at King High -but with good reason. It was long more than wide, the size of a small dance studio and had the same feel- relaxed and creative. There were floor to ceiling windows lining one of the long walls, looking over the quad, and letting in clean white light. It washed over the light grey cement floor, drawing white squares on the floor and littered papers, over seats and counters.

The room was split in half. One side was obviously the teacher's domain- shelves and filing cabinets lined the walls. Cases and stacks of CDs- half of which were mislabled - towered dangerously on the edge of these. A counter against the back wall- starting where the door stopped and ending with the room- was smothered with so many papers that you couldn't see the actual formica beneath. Posters and sheets of music were taped, tacked, plastered all over the wall space avaiable. But, the most important part of the room was a large, square box of a thing, placed in the center of that half.

An electric piano.

Also smothered with sheets of paper.

When you walked in the door, the classroom stretched out before you. The teacher's half came first, cluttered and kind of dark. Sheets of music everywhere. But once you reached the middle, it all just stopped. Against each of those three walls was a platform. A platform with three steps, and on each step, a long black bench. They formed a semi-circle of sorts, two facing each other, the third facing the other half of the classroom. Nine benches; enough space for about seventy people.

Enough for a chorus.

Ashley stopped in the middle of the room. Rested her hand on the familiar piano behind her. She glanced out the windows. Gazed at the familiar benches before her.

She never thought she'd be back.

The chipped black benches had barely changed, save a few new names carved into the worn wood. Her own name, scribbled in bright silver sharpie, took up a long stretch of bench and ran over a few other names in the middle bench of the middle platform. _Ashley Marie Davies._ She remembered doing it, three years ago, while Ms. James was out of the room. Kneeling down before the bench and etching her name, huge and unable to be missed, across a piece of her history. This had been her home away from- no, this had been her home during her four years at King. She had sleep here enough for it to be labled that, and she loved the people she had been in this room with.

She had spent more time here than anywhere else those four years.

She was glad she had beaten Ms. James here, because she liked looking over her past in private. But when the door clicked open behind her she was thankful for the distraction in the form of her high school mentor. She had started remembering why she was there and she was tired of crying to be completeley truthful.

"Goodness, child. When did you grow up?" Ms. James stood in the door, still the same roly-poly woman she had always been. She hadn't changed a bit and that just made Ashley feel even more different. Ashley smiled though, and meant it.

"About the same time I figured out the Easter Bunny wasn't real." Ashley smirked, sharing an inside joke involving a junior year play and a giant Easter egg. Ms. James chuckled warmly, crossing the room to hug Ashley.

"That, Davies, is why I like you. Always with the funny." Ms. James said, in that honey sweet voice of her's- the one that had earned her so many Broadway plays. She pulled back and looked Ashley up and down. "You're looking a bit on the skinny side." She said disapprovingly, and Ashley was reminded of the woman's tirades on anerexioa and all the pressure in show biz. Rumours that Ms. James was so roly-poly just to spite the teeny girls on tv. She had a better voice then twelve of them put together and people knew it.

"I know. It's just stress." Ashley explained, taking a seat on one of the benches. Ms. James nodded sympathetically.

"I know hon. You wanna talk?" She took a seat beside the young brunette, who shook her head shortly.

"Nah. Maybe some other time. So, what'd you ask me here for? You said something about helping out?" Ashley looked over at the blonde-haired woman who had taught her almost everything she knew. The woman was like her mother, no exaggerations, and they both knew it.

"Well, I know you're back in L.A. for a while and I thought maybe you'd like to come help out here while you're in town." Ms. James explained. Ashley stood up slowly and stepped off the platform.

"Like as a T.A.?" Ashley asked, walking toward the familiar piano. She glanced back toward Ms. James. The woman nodded.

"Yes. Just..to take a break. Maybe get back to who you were?" Ms. James watched Ashley sit down at the piano, fingers sliding over the keys noiselessly. "You look tired sugar." Ashley looked up, meeting Ms. James' eyes and nodded.

"I am." She admitted, then looked back down at the black and white rectangles before her. "I think I need a break...but maybe I can break here." She added. She was starting to warm up to the idea. Maybe meeting the poeple she, Aiden, and Kyla had been while they had gone here, less then two years ago, would bring her back. Maybe helping people the way Ms. James had helped her. "Yeah. I think I can do that." She looked back up, meeting Ms. James' eyes and flashing one of her signature nose-crinkling smiles. Ms. James grinned back, one of _her _signature dimpled smiles.

"Good. You start Monday." She stood up. "Now get off my piano before I beat yah." Ashley opened her mouth in fake shock.

"Ms. James, I paid for this piano. I think I can play one song on it-" She was cut short by Ms. James hitting her in the back of the head with a rolled up piece of music.

"Girl-" Ms. James started, but Ashley, ducking, had already made it to the door. She grinned again.

"Monday? At nine?" She was already backing through the door.

"Eight!" Ms. James called after her.

"What? Nine?" Ashley called from down the hall. She passed the windows and held up nine fingers, nodding and frowning, pretending to ask for agreement. "Nine?!?" She mouthed. Ms. James smiled and shook her head.

"Eight!" She yelled again, holding up eight fingers toward Ashley. The girl just smirked and kept her nine.

Ms. James shot her a different finger.

IOIOIOI

Monday morning, bright and early at 7:50, Ashley slid into her parking spot at the school. Balancing a Starbucks coffee in one hand and her purse and keys in the other, she stumbled out of her car. She was still tired from her gig late yesterday afternoon, and the early morning today wasn't helping. She kicked her door shut and somehow managed to lock it with the keys dangling from her left hand.

As she started across the quad, she heard a wolf whistle ring out from the corner. She rolled her eyes. High school boys. Not that they get much better in college. Finally reaching the door to the chorus room -_why couldn't they just put a door on the other side of the classoom_?- she found that she did not, in fact, have a third hand to open the door with. She sighed and kicked it with her foot.

A few seconds later and a millisecond from another kick, the door opened and Ms. James stuck her head out. A smile lit up her face.

"Oh, Ashley! Good, Mr. Peterson wants to meet you." She opened the door wider to reveal a balding man in a drab gray suit, and although Ashley had never seen him before, she knew he was a principal. He had that _feeling _around him. The one that made her want to get as far away as posisble and hope he hadn't found out what she had done. Even when she hadn't done anything, that feeling stuck.

"Ms. Davies." The man said, his voice deep and gravelly with sleep. Ashley placed her coffee and keys on a stack of papers and paused as Ms. James leaned closer.

"Vice principal. Play nice." She muttered, taking Ashey's purse and placing it in a drawer beside her's. Ashley stepped forward and offered the man her hand.

"Mr. Peterson, good to meet you." She smiled, shaking his hand enthusiastically. He seemed a bit put off, but smiled back shakily.

"You too, Ms. Davies. Just checking in." He glanced over at Ms. James nervously, as if he had been expecting something completely different.

"Well, that's good." There's was an awkward pause, while Mr. Peterson studied the brunette before him. Ashley shoved her hands in the back pockets of her jeans, rocking back on her heels. She glanced out the window and bit her lip, waiting for him to finish whatever it was he was doing.

"Well, that's all then, I suppose. Good luck to you." Peterson said, and started around Ashley. "Beth, we have a meeting today after school. Ms. Davies, you are welcome but not required to attend." He stepped out the door and shut it behind him. Ashley raised her eyebrows toward Ms. James.

"Freak." She said, hands still shoved in her pockets. She turned around and sat down on one of the benches, looking out the wide windows. Kids were spilling into the quad, phones in their hands, keys being shoved into pockets. They all looked almost her age, to be truthful, and it felt weird that she would be teaching them.

"Nervous?" Ms. James asked from behind the piano, looking down at a few papers.

"Kind of." Ashley admitted. "But if they hate me I'll just go back to..."

"That's a great attitude!" Ms. James said sarcastically, not looking up. Ashley rolled her eyes and smiled.

"Yeah, whatever."

IOIOIOI

Spencer followed Glen through the quad, a few of books balanced in her arms. Her bookbag hung from her shoulder, but it was almost empty save some lip gloss and a couple pennies. She was carrying Clay's books. He hung back a little, loaded down with more texts than he could handle, even with Spencer carrying three herself. Glen had refused to bring any books and "look like a nerd", because apparently school had nothing to do with books. Though, in Glen's world and maybe even Spencer's, it really didn't.

They stopped beside a tree and Glen turned to the two.

"Meet me at the car ten past three." He looked over their shoulders and grinned. "I'm gonna go score some hotties." He pushed between them and headed toward a table where a few cheerleaders were perched. Spencer rolled her eyes and looked over at Clay.

"Where's your locker? The bell's gonna ring and we should probably-" The bell rang through the quad, echoing loudly through every hallway. Spencer raised an eyerbow. "-get going." She smiled. "We're new, late's allowed." Clay smiled back.

"True. It's this way." He gestured with one elbow, trying not to topple his precocious pile of books, and they started toward the lockers, straining under Clay's AP books. The hallway was dark and quiet and each step echoed loudly. They hadn't made it five feet when a voice called out from behind them.

"Hey! Are you new here?" As if it wasn't clearly evident. Both the Carlins turned around to see a pretty African American girl walking toward them, smile playing across her face. "Cos, you look a little late and maybe I can help you out." She offered, stopping in front of them, smile still on her face.

"Yeah, sure, that'd be great." Clay said nervously, struggling with his books. The girl reached out and took a few off the top of the stack.

"I'm Chelsea, by the way." She said, as she started with them down the hall.

"Spencer." Spencer said, shifting her load of books and smiling happily.

"I'm Clay." Clay said, smiling swiftly. His eyes hadn't left the other girl's face since she had walked up. She pretended not to notice, but there was more than one reason for her pleasant smile. They reached his locker quickly, after admitting that they were from Ohio and were related to the big blonde jock she would probably see later that day. She had laughed, not understanding, but they both knew she would by the end of the day. Hell, Glen would proabably hit on her by then. She was a girl and...she was a girl, so Glen was going to hit on her.

Clay shoved the last couple of book into his locker and stepped back to admire his work. Nothing fell out, which was a feat in itself considering the massive number of books in there.

"What class do you have now?" Chelsea asked.

"Uh.." Clay pulled his schedule from his pocket and glanced at it. "AP English Lit. And I need my Lit book." Spencer raised her eyebrow.

"That one?" She asked, pointing to a slender book crammed under about nine other ones. Clay sighed as Chelsea laughed. "I've got to go to class, but good luck big brother." Spencer said, patting him on the shoulder. "It was nice meeting you Chelsea, I'll see you around." Spencer smiled. The girl grinned back.

"I hope so." She said, but she was looking at Clay. Spencer left the two alone and hoped her brother wouldn't completley mess it up. Halfway down the hall, she realized she had just passed her classroom. She turned on her heel and walked back. Taking a deep breath, she put one hand on the knob. She was just about to turn it when it flew open and a short- vertically challenged- woman stepped out. She stopped short when she saw Spencer.

"Can I help you hon?" She asked, smiling warmly. Spencer smiled back nervously.

"Uh, actually I'm supposed to be in this class." She said, glancing up at the fifteen or twenty people lounging around the room.

"You're a bit late." The woman glanced down at her watch. "About fifteen minutes, not to mention two weeks." She grinned through her words though.

"I know, I'm new, I just-" Spencer started to explain, but the woman cut her off, chuckling.

"I'm just kidding sweetheart, come on in. I'm Ms. James. Welcome to Advanced Chorus."


	2. I Turn My Camera On

**Hallelujah**

_Five Years Ago_

_The classroom hadn't ever been that quiet, not in all the six months that Ashley had been attending class in it, and for a minute she wondered if the world had just stopped. She couldn't even hear herself breathe, but maybe that was because she had stopped breathing the minute the words had left Ms. James' mouth. _

_"Congratulations Ashley!" The bouncy woman grinned, throwing her arms out as if she hadn't been expecting the sudden silence to follow her announcement. As if she was waiting for everyone to jump in and congratulate the young girl as well. But Ashley knew the older woman wasn't so dense that she would actually believe that._

_A heavy hand landed on Ashley's back and hesitantly patted her twice, but it felt more like a "good luck" pat than a "congratulations"._

_"Heh. Nice one, Ash." Aiden's deep voice, lowered but still echoing through the almost silent classroom, reminded Ashley to breathe again. His comforting hand on her back reminded her that actually, no, the world had not just stopped._

_"Yeah. That's great Ashley." Kyla chimed in, less quiet but even more hesitant._

_"Awesome Davies." Another guy added from across the room. Suddenly, as if broken from a trance, everyone started muttering to each other. Three senior girls, huddled together in the corner of the room, whispered hushed words that Ashley didn't need to hear to understand._

_"She doesn't derserve it."_

_"She's only a freshmen, that's not fair." _

_"What's so good about her anyway?"_

_"Brown noser." _

_Ms. James stood at the front of the room, watching it all, and Ashley knew the woman had to have been expecting it. Giving the lead solo part in the upcoming exhibition to a freshman? It was only the first exhibition of many, but it was still unexpected. Seniors usually got the leads- no, they _always _got the leads, and especially not in the first exhibition when no one _but _the seniors had enough experience to perform well._

_"_What_?" Ashley mouthed to Ms. James, eyebrows up and mouth half-open. She and the woman had bonded over the musical Wicked, and Ashley thought she wasn't half bad considering she was an adult and all. But, she hadn't been expecting this. She had been so far from expecting it that she had been haf ignoring Ms. James' announcement, in favor of gazing out the window at the fluttering tree._

_"You got it kid." The woman spoke quietly, smirking, and shrugged. Ashley closed her mouth quickly and turned to Aiden and Kyla._

_"Is this serious?" She asked, eyebrows up, looking to her best friends for some sort of explanation that maybe she was missing. Kyla just shook her head, her eyes bigger than Ashley's._

_"Dude, that's crazy." Aiden muttered, looking around at the small groups of people, all presumably talking about Ashley. He looked over at her quckly. "I mean, you're awesome and all, but this is crazy." _

_"Well, she thinks you can do it." Kyla said softly, gesturing with her shoulder toward Ms. James, who had taken her usual position behind the piano._

_"I know I can do it." Ashley stated, that air of Davies confidence in her voice. "I'm just...surprised." She leaned back and crossed her legs, then smirked. She flicked her eyes toward Aiden and Kyla. "Oh, this is gonna rock."_

_IOIOIOI_

Ms. James, hand comforting but unfamiliar on Spencer's arm, pulled her toward the front of the classroom and held her close to her left side in front of what looked to be a giant mound of papers and Cds. Releasing Spencer's arm, Ms. James clapped her hands high above her head.

"Alright kiddos. We got a newbie." She cackled wickedly and rubbed her hands together. Then she leaned back and whispered quickly out of the side of her mouth. "Don't worry kid, welcome to showbiz." Spencer was still a bit shocked, thrown, confused-whatever you wanted to call it, she wasn't really grasping anything that was flying by. "So, let's welcome her proper then, eh?"

The class stood up slowly, smirking to each other and stretching out of their various stages of sleep. Beside Spencer, Ms. James lifted her arms up, then crashed them down violently. The class responded with a lifting of merged voices.

_"There's talk on the street; it sounds so familiar.  
Great expectations, everybody's watching you.  
People you meet, they all seem to know you.  
Even your old friends treat you like you're something new._

_Johnny come lately, the new kid in town.  
Everybody loves you, so don't let them down."_

It ended as suddenly as it had begun, with everyone sitting back down and returning to what they had been doing. Ms. Jamed turned to a stunned Spencer, beaming.

"I do love the Eagles. Well hon, what's your name again?" The lady asked, placing her hands on her hips and studying Spencer curiously.

"Uh, Spencer Carlin." Spencer, hands shoved in her jacket pockets nervously and pulled close to her chest, avoided Ms. James' eyes. She met them quickly and found them kind of intrusive and all-knowing.

"Where'd you move from?" Ms. James asked, as if trying to figure Spencer out- like there was anything to figure.

"Ohio." Spencer answered quickly and shortly and shyly. Ms. James turned back to the class.

"Everybody, this is Spencer Carlin from Ohio. Spencer Carlin from Ohio, this is Jenny, Kelly, Jason, Ron, Taylor..." Ms. James went on, pointing out each person in the room. At each name called, someone new glanced up and offered a short wave or quick smile in Spencer's direction. When Ms. James was done, she turned back to Spencer. "Got all that? There's a quiz later." She said seriously. Then, she turned toward the back of the classroom.

Spencer, giving up on trying to process anything that was happening involving Ms. James, followed her gaze toward a head of dark brown curly hair, bent over something. But the back door opened and the blonde was distracted. Chelsea, the smiling girl from earlier, walked in and turned, trying to quietly close the door without, Spencer assumed, Ms. James noticing.

"You're late da Vinci." Ms. James said, but the woman didn't seem concerned or preoccupied with the fact.

"Won't happen again Ms. James." Chelsea said, turning to shoot an apolegetic smile the lady's way. Ms. James just waved her hand in acceptance, still looking at the head of dark hair. Chelsea caught sight of Spencer and smiled brightly.

"Hey, Spencer right? Are you in this class too?" She made her way through the scattered papers toward Spencer. Spencer nodded, a smile growing on her face.

"Yeah." She grinned toward Chelsea, glad she knew know anybody, especially someone in her class and especially someone like Chelsea.

"Cool. Ms. James is a bit much, but you'll get used to her." Chelsea said quietly, eyebrows raised. The teacher still stood beside Spencer, and Spencer assumed her eyes were still on the girl by the counter. Chelsea, looking over Spencer's shoulder toward the back, frowned softly. "Who's that?" Spencer turned to look, but a hand on her shoulder- Ms. James'- stopped her.

"We've got another newbie, but this one's already escaped the bonds of high school." Ms. James announced, and the class looked up again, some standing to sing. "We don't need to sing for her, but this Ashley Davies." Ms. James' left hand held Spencer in place and the blonde wasn't bold enough to peek around the older woman and get a glimpse of the dark haired girl on Ms. James' right. "Davies, this is Jenny, Kelly, Jason, Ron, Taylor..." Ms. James went through the names again, and Ashley recieved the same quick smiles and short waves that Spencer had.

Ms. James took a step back, and her left hand turned Spencer to the right, toward the "Davies" girl.

"And Ashley Davies, meet Spencer Carlin from Ohio." Ms. James said. Spencer glanced up into a pair of dark brown eyes and felt her stomach leave her body. The girl across from her smiled quickly and brightly, her eyes never leaving Spencer's.

"Hey." She said softly, voice husky and hard and welcoming. Her eyes were warm and sparkled with an open curiosity that made Spencer's heart beat double-time and did all the right things to her nerves. Made her knees sort of weak.

"Hi." Spencer blushed, because she was shy and new, and because the gorgeous girl standing inches away had spoken to her. The girl- Ashley's smile widened a little, and she rocked forward on her heels, hands shoved in her back pockets.

"Good enough." Ms. James quickly interrupted whatever moment they were having, but maybe Spencer was imaging that. "Find a seat, Spencer Carlin from Ohio." Spencer hesitantly broke her gaze with Ashley, her cheeks flushed pink and quickly turning even more red. She re-shouldered her book bag and climbed over a bench to settle beside Chelsea. She had to keep her eyes on her lap in order to keep them off Ashley. And she had thought moving to L.A. would mean a fresh start from all that mess?

"That Davies girl is staring at you." Chelsea leaned closer and muttered in Spencer's ear. "Did you say something to her?" Chelsea continued, and Spencer's eyes shot up to see if what Chelsea said was true. Ashley was looking at her, studying her face, and when their eyes connected the older girl looked away quickly. Spencer's cheeks flushed a new red.

"No." Spencer said quietly, her voice almost squeaking, and figured Ashley probably just thought she was weird. She came off as weird sometimes.

"Davies, go check my box!" Ms. James yelled from underneath her piano where god knows what she was doing. Spencer watched Ashley head out the door, her confident stride and expensive boots. When she was gone, Spencer felt her heart slowly return to regular time.

"Weird." Chelsea said, pulling back from Spencer and bending down to her book bag.

"Yeah. Weird." Spencer echoed, her eyes still blindly focused on the window.

IOIOIOI

_"She probably thinks you're some kind of freak now, one that stares a high school girls, even though technically that's what you were doing, but the fact that she and her friend noticed..." _Ashley bit her lip and let her thoughts trail off. _"Spencer Carlin from Ohio. Who lives in Ohio? Like, cowboys or something? And why do you care? She's just some high school girl. Some hot high school girl who's probably as straight as any line that comes from flipping Ohio. Besides, illegal much? Am I actually thinking that far ahead? She's hot, you're horny and -unfourtunately -above that. That's what hookers are for sweetie. And strip clubs. And money. You've got plenty of that, use it. Good, now we're off the subject of Spencer Carlin from Ohio who's as straight as a cowboy's line and also illegal. Yeah, but now I'm sort of back on it."_

"Oof!" That was the noise Ashley made when she ran straight into someone coming around the corner she happened to be turning blindly. They both ended up on the ground, and the girl beneath her shoved Ashley off qucikly.

"Um, rude much?" The girl spat, disgust on her face. She got up and brushed at some dirt Ashley could not for the life of her see. "Do you _have _eyes?" Ashley, eyebrows raised from her current spot on the floor, didn't respond. "No? How about a brain? Are you retarded?"

"Are you ok?" Ashley asked slowly, afraid the girl was off her meds or something and might start foaming in the mouth any minute. She pushed up off the ground and straightened her top, pulling at her necklace which had slid back, but she never took her eyes off the Latina girl before her.

"No, I'm not ok! You just ran me over!" The girl almost screeched.

"Um, I'm gonna go." Ashley started to walk away, seriously doubting this girl's sanity and anger management.

"This is like, assualt or something! I spent fifty bucks on these nails and this one is ruined! That's like...seven-eight dollars or something. You owe me eight dollars!" The girl was yelling now and Ashley was slowly backing away, wondering why she had to have run into a physcho. "Eight dollars!" Ashley was halfway down the hall, but the girl didn't bother to follow. She just stood there, screeching. Ashley glanced left and saw a door labled OFFICE. She turned quickly and pushed in.

When she was safely inside, she looked around the small room. It definitely wasn't the first time she had been in King's office, but it was the first time she'd been there without a guilty conscience. Still, being in the miniscule, smelly room made her automatically cautious.

"Why, Ashley Davies, not even a student anymore and you still end up in the office." A quiet, elderly voice spoke from the corner to Ashley's left. Ms. Brenda Hobbs sat there like she always had and, Ashley suspected, always would.

"You know me Ms. Brenda." Ashley said, smirking quickly. "I just gotta get something out of Ms. James' box." Ashley explained, and started toward the teacher's lounge. Also not the first time she had ever been there. Ashley had been a paradox at King, the girl who would break every rule in the book, but out of disregard not forthright disrespect. Ashley never did anything to spite or annoy someone else, she just did it because she didn't bother to follow the rules- she could never apply them to herself. Teachers loved her and hated her and became frustratingly curious about her. But that had been two years ago and it wasn't part of Ashley's life anymore, thankfully.

She walked into the room, all yellow tiles and stained green carpet, and found Ms. James' box. There was a thick stack of papers there and Ashley had to yank them to get them all out. She walked back out, shot a charming smile toward Ms. Brenda, and then opened the door a half inch. She stuck her nose out, trying to see if that crazy Latina girl was still yelling "eight dollars!'" down the hall. She wasn't, and Ashley breathed a sigh of relief.

On the way back to Ms. James' room, she found herself thinking about Spencer Carlin from Ohio again.

This time, she slowed when she rounded corners.

IOIOIOI

"So, how was the first day?" Clay asked, climbing into Glen's car after tossing his bag in the back. Spencer, crammed against the window in the back seat, shrugged slightly.

"Good, actually. I met some cool people in a few classes." She shifted some of the basketball equipment wedged between her and Clay and tried to ignore the smell. _Some things never, ever change._ Outside, Glen was crossing the parking lot, a Latina girl wrapped around his arm. Spencer sighed. _Ever. _"How about you?" She asked.

"Chelsea's in three of my classes." He responded immeadiately. Spencer glanced over quickly and grinned.

"Aw, Clay that's awesome." She congratulated, reaching across the stinky clothes to squeeze Clay's hand. "Did you talk to her?"

"Not really." Clay sighed and Spencer tried not to chuckle. She loved her brother to death, but he was the biggest wimp she knew.

"Look, she's in my chorus class, do you want me to talk to her for you?" _If I can stop staring at my T.A. for three seconds. _Spencer thought, and it made her almost smile. Clay glanced up quickly.

"Really? Yeah. Thanks." He grinned and Spencer couldn't help but smile back. She knew the move was hardest on her quiet, shyer-even-than-her brother and she would do anything to help him out. The front doors opened and Glen hopped in, the girl that had been wrapped around him three seconds ago sliding in the passenger seat.

"Hey, this is Madison. We're giving her a ride home." Glen said shortly, starting up the car. The girl turned in the seat and smiled back patronizingly.

"Hi, so nice to meet you." The Latina said, then turned back around. Clay and Spencer exchanged annoyed, but unsurprised looks. Glen put his hand on the back of the passenger seat and turned his head back to reverse out of his spot.

"So." He turned back and shifted gears, aiming out of the parking lot. "Ask me about my day."

_Ever._


	3. I Will Try

**Hallelujah**

_Four and a Half Years Ago_

_It was probably around twelve o'clock, warm and dark in Ms. James' dim classroom. The moon was glaring into the room, light glancing off the shiny black piano Ashley was sitting at. Her fingers hovered over the keys, her mind unsure of what she wanted to play at the moment. Her friends, as well as castmates, were laughing in the theater across the quad. Their voices echoed through the dusky night, reaching Ashley's ears. She listened, trying pick out familiar voices amid the rumble of conversation. Kyla's teasing tone caught her ear and Ashley smiled a little. She glanced back down at the bright keys, somehow perfectly clean even after years of use._

_She took a short breath and pressed one finger down, listening to the resulting note as it rang clean and clear up to her ears. She pressed another, and then another, until they weren't so jolting in the almost silent classroom. Until they merged into something resembling a tune. Then, she really started playing. _

_It was something to watch._

_Her fingers found every key with flawless assurance, dancing back and forth. Drawing out a simple tune, but one that looked difficult because of her experienced hands. Her concentrated face. Aiden told her she looked sad when she played, but the guy had never been good with adjectives. She looked _intimate_ when she played. Open and vunerable, because she let everything go. Which was what she wanted to do now._

_"There's a harvest each Saturday night, an' the bar's filled with perfume and hitching a ride. A place you could stand for one night, an' get gone." Her voice melded with the notes, not sounding half as sudden as the first piano chords had. But then again, her voice never sounded jolting or sudden. It was always welcome, crisp and smooth and open. Always intimate._

_"It's clear this conversation ain't doing a thing, cos these boys only listen to me when I sing. And I don't feel like singing tonight, oh the same songs." She kept going, trying to force herself to let go. She was pissed, and disappointed, and regretful- and all of those things at herself._

_"Here in these deep city lights, girl could lost tonight. I'm finding every reason to be gone, there's nothing here to hold onto-"_

_"It was your first show. Get over it." Ms. James stood in the doorway, arms crossed and watching. She was leaning against the door frame, a slightly sympathetic look on her face, but you couldn't tell it by her words. Her voice cut into Ashley's private chatisment. Ashley's fingers withdrew from the piano and she turned back to her teacher._

_"I _murdered _the second song. And the finale?-" Ashley started saying all the words that had been floating through her head since the curtain had fallen across the stage. Her first school production had been, in her eyes, disastorous. Ms. James matched Ashley's tone._

_"And the first song? The third act? Those were _good_." Ms. James' eyebrow rose as she crossed the feet of space between her and Ashley. She sat down in one of the armchairs surrounding her piano and gave Ashley a look. "Dude, you rocked it." Ashley had to crack a smile at her roly-poly choir teacher's use of the word "dude", but it didn't last long. She looked back down at the piano._

_"Dude, I should have rocked it harder than that." She said, fingernail scratching at a weird smear on one of the keys._

_"It was your first show Davies. _Get over it._ Everybody bombs at least once. You just got your's out of the way." Ms. James' words were comforting, but Ashley almost didn't believe them._

_"I don't know." _

_"Yeah, I got that from your depressing piano music. Come on, celebrate with the rest of us. Dennison was looking for you." Ms. James said, standing up like she wasn't going to take no for an answer. And maybe she was right, maybe Ashley was just being a dramatic teenager and maybe she had kicked ass on that first song and maybe this was just a few hours and she wouldn't even remember it next year._

_Maybe, an adult was actually right. _

_Ashley stood up and followed Ms. James out the door, hands crammed in her back pockets._

IOIOIOI

Ms. James was already at the piano when Spencer made it to class the next day. Her fingers were tapping along the keys with jovial indifference, somehow picking out a bouncing tune though they looked completely uncoordinated. The music slid its way through the students, weaving into their conversations and picking up everyone's mood. Spencer found her seat beside Chelsea and smiled at the girl who sat behind them. Carmen or something. The dark haired girl smiled back, eyes dancing wickedly- something Spencer had noticed yesterday. They never stopped twinkling under the warm lights, and they made Spencer kind of nervous. Also, they set off her gaydar.

Spencer dropped her bag beside Chelsea's feet and slid her phone out of her pocket to read the text Glen had just sent her. Something about basketball practice and and waiting. _Boring_. Spencer thought.

"Hey, does Clay like music?" Chelsea asked, seemingly out of nowhere. Spencer glanced up from her phone. Outside, the bell buzzed loudly.

"Um, depends. What kind?" Spencer slid her phone into her pocket, and turned her eyes back up to the curious girl in front of her.

"Jazz?" Chelsea offered, eyebrows raised hopefully. Spencer smiled.

"Yeah, he loves it. Why?" Chelsea smiled shyly, happily, and shrugged.

"No reason." Spencer chuckled.

"Ok?-" Ms. James hopped off the piano and took her place in the front of the classroom.

"Alright kids! Stand up and stretch!" She called out, smiling widely and lacing her fingers together before her. She bounced up on her toes.

"Somebody's in a good mood." Chelsea muttered to Spencer, stretching her arms over her head.

"Yeah." Spencer agreed. They leaned forward to stretch their backs and Spencer had the distinct feeling of someone watching her. Like, staring at her ass. She thought back to the Carmen girl with wicked eyes behind her. She blushed a little. When she stood up to stretch her arms, she glanced back to the see the girl watching her intently. Spencer blushed darker.

She was trying to ignore the eyes boring into her back when the door to the classroom opened quickly and quietly. Spencer watched Ashley creep in, tossing her purse into one of the chairs. Spencer couldn't keep her eyes off the dark-haired girl, dressed in jeans and a floaty white top, hair down and curly. She was absolutely gorgeous. And, she had on really cute boots. Spencer bit her lip and sretched her arms out before her, following Ms. James' directions without thinking about it. Crush on a new teacher? Check. She was starting to get used to this new school. Yeah, she could definitely like it.

Chelsea nudged her side as she pulled down her arms and Spencer turned to the other girl, forcibly taking her eyes off Ashley. She was the kind of perfect beautiful that you just wanted to stare at for hours. Living and breathing and unattainable right before your eyes. Kind of delicious.

"I was thinking about inviting him to a concert." Chelsea admitted, sitting back down to pull out her music binder. Spencer kept standing, and smiled in a way that made her blue eyes twinkle with happiness.

"Yeah? He'd love that." Spencer stetched down to reach her binder, but looked up when she felt insistent eyes on her face. The girl, Carmen, was watching her again, dark eyes wicked and intrusive and Spencer blushed. Again. She turned around quickly, the fire in her cheeks making her bit her lip. Why was she blushing? She didn't even like the girl behind her, had barely even noticed her. She sat down beside Chelsea and trained her eyes on the music before her, trying to ignore that ever present stare, and the girl behind it.

Instead, she glanced up and met dark brown eyes that were maybe even more wicked in their chocolate color, just because of the person who owned them. The gorgeous, older so-very-wrong girl who was studying Spencer from across the room. They locked eyes for a second- a short, fleeting moment- before Ashley glanced down quickly. It wasn't so obvious or telling as it was breathtaking. As it made Spencer's heart thump in her chest and her cheeks flush. Spencer couldn't tell if it had been on purpose or not, but she knew those brown eyes made her melt in all the wrong ways. In all her right ways.

She looked down too, after a moment, cheeks still warm, and stared without seeing at the lines of music before her. Seeing brown eyes and-

"Ms. Carlin!" Ms. James' voice interrupted her inner denial and she glanced up, still half in her mind. "Ms. Davies!" Spencer saw Ashley glance up, abandoning her sheet of paper. Spencer's heart stopped. Had Ms. James seen their gaze, had she guessed? Did she knew Spencer was-no, she didn't. That was completley stupid and yet it raced through Spencer's mind anyway, the paranoid effects of being in the closet. Stupid, stupid paranoid effects- "Come here!" Ms. James continued.

Spencer, eyebrows a little creased, set her music down next to Chelsea. She sent the girl a questioning look, but Chelsea just shrugged. Spencer turned back to Ms. James' piano, where Ashley and the older woman stood waiting. She climbed over the benches below her and tapped her way over to them, heart thumping a little faster than usual, eyes trained on her music teacher and not her music teacher's really hot T.A. It was probably rather obvious, so she sent one glance Ashley's way. The girl's steady, brown gaze on her made her regret it.

She felt a slight rush go to her head and tried to keep from turning red. She was shy and subtle gazes weren't relaxing her. When she reached the piano she braced her hands on the front and met Ms. James' eyes.

"Carlin, Ms. Davies here will be coaching you in voice lessons until you're caught up with the rest of the class." Ms. James said, unaware of the turmoil she had just sent Spencer into. The blonde girl's heart tapped even faster, and she was sure someone would notice it beating wildly against her chest. Cheeks and ears red? Probably. She took a deep breath.

"Ok." She said, and was proud of her almost steady voice. Ms. James turned to Davies, and Spencer followed her gaze to where Ashley stood, studying Ms James.

"Ok, Ms. Davies?" Ms. James asked, looking up from her seat on the bench. Ashley nodded, looking over at Spencer and sending her a friendly smile.

"Sure." She agreed. Ms. James grinned.

"Good. So, there's an empty classroom next door that you can use every morning. I don't care how you do it, as long as you're in this classroom every Wednesday to practice with the rest of the class." Ms. James said. Then, she clapped her hands together and grinned. "Settled." When both Ashley and Spencer just stood there, she frowned a little. "Well, get going then." She said, shooing them away with her hands. Spencer looked over at Ashley with questioning eyes.

"I guess we start now?" Ashley asked Ms. James more than Spencer and the woman nodded dismissively. Ashley, meeting Spencer's eyes and trying to act casual, shrugged with raised eyebrows. "Get your stuff I guess." Ashley told Spencer. It was amazing how blue the young girl's eyes were- really, really amazing and Ashley kind of wished she hadn't noticed. On the other hand, the way those blue eyes made her breath catch a little was almost worth it. And also the reason it was so bad.

Spencer made her way back to Chelsea and..well, Carmen though she could have done without the other girl's staring. Chelsea, eyebrows furrowed, looked up when the blonde walked over.

"What did she want?" Chelsea asked. Spencer leaned down to pick up her bag.

"I'm supposed to work with Ashley until I get caught up with the rest of the class." Spencer answered, swinging her bookbag onto her shoulder and scooping up her chemistry book.

"Aw man." Chelsea groaned. "Now I can't pump you for information about your gorgeous brother." She said, half-smiling. Spencer chuckled.

"I think that's the first time anyone's called Clay that." She said, raising her eyebrows. "And you can, just outside of class." Spencer wanted to give the other girl her number, but she wimped out at the last second. "I'll see you later." She smiled warmly.

"Wait." Chelsea said, digging a pen out of her bookbag. She reached out and took Spencer's hand, then scribbled numbers across the palm. "Call me, k? I'll give you a tour of the town or something." She flashed an honest grin and Spencer smiled back.

"Will do." Spencer promised, then took a step back off the benches. She turned around to see Ashley waiting for her by the door, papers balanced in her arm. Spencer bit her lip and crossed the room toward the gorgeous, older girl. Ashley opened the door and held it for Spencer, who flashed the brunette a nervous smile. Ashley couldn't help sending one back to the obviously unsettled blonde.

"So, uh, have you ever taken music before?" Ashley asked as they walked down the cement hallway. Spencer glanced over.

"No, I don't think we had it at my old school." Spencer's voice sounded weak and scared to her own ears and she swallowed.

"Oh, well, Ms. James is really cool." Ashley said, slipping a key out of her pocket to unlock the classroom door.

"Yeah, that's what everyone tells me." Spencer agreed, stepping into the room. "Did you, uh, did you have her when you went here?" Spencer asked, paused just inside the classroom. Ashley unceremoniously dumped her stack of papers onto a bare desk and turned back to Spencer, wiping her hands on her jeans.

"Yeah, I did." Ashley grinned, a bright smile that made her nose crinkle and her eyes sparkle. "I loved her, she's like my second mom." _Or, only mom._ Ashley thought. A quick silence descended over them and Ashley stood, not knowing what to do. She really sucked at this teaching thing. Frowning a little, she rubbed the back of her neck. Spencer smiled, easily reading Ashley's uncomfortableness. Something about this bare room, and Ashley's smile, and the timing of the moment, gave Spencer a rush of boldness.

"So, you gonna teach me or what?" She asked, smirking. Ashley glanced over, surprised, but then caught sight of the teasing look on the girl's face. She chuckled.

"I was considering it." She flirted back. She stepped over toward the stack of papers and began rilfiling through them, obviously looking for something. Curious, though her shyness was creeping back in, Spencer stepped closer to the desk. Without looking up, Ashley answered unasked questions.

"I'm looking for this song I sang freshmen year here." She mumbled, fingers lost in the mess of music. Spencer, eyes on Ashley's beautifully concentrated face, mumbled something incoherent. "Huh?" Ashley glanced up quickly, pausing the swift movements of her fingers, and met Spencer's clear blue eyes. It froze them both. Barely a foot apart, Spencer had an urge to close the distance between them and...do what, she wasn't sure. Ashley stopped breathing for a second, acutely aware of her thumping heart. Spencer broke the spell, biting her lip and glancing away. Above them and outside, the bell rang. Heart thumping and face about to flush, Spencer took a step back.

"So, tomorrow?" Ashley was the one to ask, eyes on Spencer who was shouldering her bookbag by the door. Spencer smiled a little and nodded.

"Yeah." She agreed. Then, as if a second thought. "Of course." Ashley smiled back.

IOIOIOI

Spencer bit at the end of her pencil and creased her eyebrows a little as she stared down at her sheet of paper. She had been sitting at her desk for the past ten minutes and had only pulled out the paper a few seconds ago. It lay, crisp and new before her. And blank, because she was completely unoriginal at the moment. And she was bored. And, also, kind of lonely. And homesick. All those stupid moving feelings were catching up with her, wrapping her up in insecurity.

She sighed a little and sat back in her desk, setting her pencil down. Turning her head to the window beside her, she watched a few girls strut across the quad, heels pressing into beaten down grass. Spencer didn't understand wearing heels to school, because your feet killed after it. No one had ever worn heels to school in Ohio, but L.A. was absolutely nothing like Ohio, so Spencer had slowly stopped comparing the two. She got the feeling that few places were like L.A.

The door to the classroom slammed open and shut, interrputing the silence of the room. Spencer looked over to see Madison Duarte striding across the room, purse swinging from her arm. She dropped- no, she _slid_ into the seat beside Spencer, lips pursed together in what was probably supposed to resemble a smile. Maybe it was just supposed to freak people out, and it was doing a fine job of it in Spencer's case. She was successfully intimidated. One eyebrow raised, Madison scanned Spencer's form.

"Hey, Glen's sister right?" She didn't wait for an answer. "You mind doing a favor for me?" Spencer, eyebrows raised and very aware that everyone in the classroom was watching her, shook her head no. Madison smirked. "Good. Give this to your brother." She handed Spencer a folded piece of rose-colored paper sprayed with something so strong it almost made the blonde girl wrinkle her nose. Madison turned in her seat to talk to one of he friends and Spencer looked down at the paper in her hand.

There was a lipstick kiss pressed onto the front.

_Gross. _Spencer thought, and dropped the note in her jacket pocket. Normally, she would have just ditched it in the first trash can out the door, but Madison scared her in an I'm-crazy-fuck-with-me-and-I-will-seriously-kill-you kind of way. So instead, she decided to give it to Glen next period. She went back to watching the people drift in and out of the quad. A couple basketball players, somebody in the band, a few teachers. If she was going to waste her time watching people, why couldn't there be anybody interesting to watch?

She sighed, and looked down at her desk. For some reason, her chorus T.A. kept coming to mind, invading Spencer's thoughts. The girl was absolutely gorgeous, there was no denying that, but Spencer had met many gorgeous girls in her life -hell, she had dated a few of them -so that didn't account for the current obession. Maybe something to do with the move? Maybe hormones. Or loneliness. Maybe both. Hell, maybe it was everything adding up in just the right way to make her older, beautiful teacher exactly what she wanted. She seemed to have luck like that sometimes. She brought her thumb to her mouth and bit her nail- her one bad habit.

Suddenly, the bell clanged into sound, releasing all the teenagers from their day of school. That bell ruled her life, Spencer had decided. Even moving states hadn't diminished that. She slid out of her seat and scooped up her bookbag, slinging it over her shoulder. What she wanted was to go home, but she still had to wait for Glen at his basketball practice. She straightened her green polo and walked toward the door, purposefully avoiding Madison and her trio of cronies. No need to get all wrapped up in the drama of being popular when she could just be cool- because there was a difference.

She crossed the quad that she had been staring at for the last hour, shoes pressing lighter into the half-dead grass than the high heels she had seen earlier. The gym was the next building on her right, if she remembered right. She pushed open the vaguely gym-looking door and stepped into the lobby. Trophies, uniforms, water fountain, gross old popcorn/cheesy nacho smell leftover from the concession stand- this was definitely the gym. She walked through the lobby, not interested in the momentos of people who probably owned car dealerships now- wow, she was getting cynical in her old age -and into the main gym. Claiming a seat by the edge, she dropped her bookbag down and got ready to watch a bunch of jocks hurl a leather ball at a circle for a couple hours.

Dang, she was in a bad mood.

She had only been there for a few minutes and her mood was slowly getting better as the seconds passed- because, if there was one thing Spencer Carlin was not good at (besides cooking hotdogs of course) it was being angry or annoyed. She was pulling out some homework when a body dropped itself beside her. Spencer turned toward the dark-haired girl sitting a little too close to her.

"Hey." The girl smiled, friendly and open.

"Hi." Spencer smiled back, a little unsurely. What was this girl's name again?

Oh yeah.

Carmen from chorus.


	4. I Will Possess Your Heart

_**Chapter Four : I Will Possess Your Heart**_

_Four Years Ago_

_Ashley was stretched out by the pool in her rose-coloured bikini, her long curls framing her face. The sun was beating down, sending waves of yellow heat drifting across the backyard, but it wasn't hot enough to force her inside yet. Kyla had submitted to her need for air conditioning half an hour ago, but Ashley was determined to stay out. Determined to lay out. Her eyes were closed against the hot light, one leg pulled a little up. A flick of water landed on her knee. She peeked an eye open._

_Aiden, having discarded the float he had been lazing on, was at the side of the pool, arms on the edge. He grinned widely when she finally met his eyes. _

_"Swim?" He asked, flicking a few more drops onto her golden brown skin. She slid her hand down her thigh and wiped the water off, missing Aiden's hungry eyes._

_"This bikini isn't for swimming." Ashley said, smiling slightly when she heard Aiden groan. It was an ongoing debate of the uselessness of buying bathing suits you couldn't swim in._

_"Ash.." He said. "Get in the water or I'll _get_ you in the water."_

_"Is that a threat, Dennison?" Ashley asked, leaning up on her elbows a bit and giving her long-time best friend her classic raised eyebrow. _

_"A promise." Aiden countered. He pushed his strong arms up, lifting his body halfway out of the water. Water dripped off his chest and onto the cement. He was starting to get out when Ashley raised her hands in defeat. _

_"Fine." She agreed, discarding her fashion magazine onto the small table beside her chair. She tightened the knot on the top of her bikini and strode toward the water. She knew Aiden would really come pick her up, because he'd done it a few million times before, and, to be completely honest, she didn't want him to touch her. There had been something growing between them the past month, something that felt like betrayal when she saw her sister, and she didn't know what to make of it. Maybe the melting sun had fried some sort of barrier between them. Maybe those teenage hormones were finally catching up to them. _

_Ashley walked to the deeper end of the pool and, without hestation, dove in. Aiden kept his eyes on her the whole time. When she finally emerged from the water, he was already on her side of the pool, beneath the diving board. He stretched his arms up and rested his hands on the board, bobbing slowly in the water. He tried not to stare at Ashley. She swam closer, smiling a little wickedly. From behind her back, she pulled a tiny water gun. He kept his hands on the baord._

_"You really wanna do that Ash?" He questioned. She grinned and squirted him in the face. Dropping his arms from the board immediatedly, he pushed off the back of the pool toward her. Wrestling the gun from her grip, he squirted it in her ear. Squealing, Ashley swatted at the toy. She wasn't really the sqealing type, but water in your ear feels pretty weird. Aiden wrapped an arm around her and squrited water on her neck, her forehead. Ashley laughed and tried fruitlessly to bat it away, both of them laughing._

_Inside, Kyla paused by the door, a tray of food and lemonade in her arms. The glass kitchen door showed straight through to her sister and her boyfriend. She bit her lip. She turned around and set the food back on the bar._

IOIOIOI

Spencer met Carmen's eyes curiously, half-smiling but a little wary. She wasn't attracted to the girl- no matter how cute her bangs were or how dangerous her eyes looked. Spencer just wasn't interested. Maybe Carmen wasn't her type? But Carmen flashed her a flirty smile and winked once and Spencer decided that maybe a little flirting wouldn't hurt anything. Decided that she was bored and needed to get her mind off things that had purpose.

"Hi." Spencer answered. She smiled innocently because she didn't really smile any other way, unless she and her father had put Jello in Glen's basketball shoes or her mom was asking her about her day. She shifted a little, moving toward Carmen. "What's up?" She asked. Carmen shrugged, leaned back against the bleachers, one arm stretching long and obvious behind Spencer.

"Nothing. Just hanging out. You?" Spencer glanced out at the basketball court where her brother was shooting from the free throw line.

"Waiting on my brother." She answered. Carmen followed her eyes out to the tall blonde sinking shots effortlessly.

"Is that him?" She asked, sounding impressed. Spencer nodded. She was used to the adoration- hell, she had experienced it for years before she realized what a total douche bag Glen could be.

"Yep. That's Glen." She answered. Camen looked back at her and Spencer could feel the girl's eyes on her face. Their slightly awkard silence was broken by a voice calling out across the gym.

"Carmen, chica, let's go!" Spencer looked over to see Madison, Glen's new flavor of the month, standing by the door with her hand on her hip. She raised an eyebrow expectantly. Carmen sighed and pushed up off the bleachers.

"It was great to talk to you Spencer." The dark eyed girl smiled- smirked -with a twinkle in her eye. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah." Spencer smiled back. She watched as the girl rounded the court and Madison waved her arms at her. Carmen ducked, and Spencer could see her smirk from the bleachers. When the two had disappeared through the heavy gym doors, Spencer crossed her legs and turned her eyes back to Glen. He was the only one on the court and when the ball rolled a few feet away, he caught sight of Spencer sitting by herself on the bleachers.

"Hey." He said, ball tucked under his arm. He walked toward her, his swagger easy and natural. "You just gonna hang here?"

"Yeah. I don't have any other ride home." She answered. She could tell he was nervous, because he was asking questions he already knew the answer to and he was standing awkwardly with the ball almost clutched beside him. Spencer flashed him a reassuring smile. "You're gonna do great."

"Oh, I know." He said confidently. Spencer shook her head, because she couldn't tell if he was faking it or not. "Where's Clay?"

"Chelsea gave him a ride home."

"Cool." Doors banged open behind him and a flash of something went through his eyes, but then it was gone and he was just Glen again. The basketball team was spilling out onto the shiny gym floors behind him. "Gotta go." He raised his eyebrows and turned toward them. The ball dropped from between his arm and side, and he dribbled it confidently. He slapped some guy's hand and Spencer knew he was gonna do fine. Last minute jitters were something Glen had always suffered from.

She slid her feet to the bleacher below her and tapped boredly. It would be a while of sitting there. She was just pulling out her cell phone to text a few people in Ohio, when another body landed beside her. Glancing up, she saw none other than Ashley Davies, her choir T.A. The older girl smiled as she sat down and Spencer's heart skipped a beat.

"So, you a basketball fan?" She asked, glancing out at the boys as they passed and crossed and squeaked. Spencer smiled and looked down at her lap.

"Uh, not really." She looked up and smiled, squinting a little. "What about you?" Ashley shrugged and took her eyes off Spencer's face.

"Used to be. Not really into sitting around watching teenage boys, though. So, what are you doing here?" Spencer gestured with her pen toward the court.

"Brother." She explained. "He's hoping he gets to play for the team here. Star player and all." Her heart was thumping a little as Ashley leaned closer. So, she had a little crush on her T.A. That was allowed, right?

"I used to know one of those." Ashley smiled gently. "Star basketball player, then the cheeleaders, the smart kids...King hasn't changed much. It's all about being someone." Feeling bold, Spencer tilted her head toward her young teacher.

"And who are you?" Spencer asked. Ashley chuckled and glanced over at her.

"Today I haven't really decided yet." She answered. Spencer laughed and Ashley grinned. Their gaze lingered for an instant before Ashley glanced down at her bag.

"So, I was thinking to get you caught up, we could start with the easy stuff..." Spencer lost track of the girl's words as Ashley bent over. There was a curvy, dotted tattoo on the brunette's lower back. It slid down tanned, muscled skin and ended a little above her dark jeans. "But if you want we could get started on the...tattoo." Spencer glanced up at Ashley face, a little embarrassed to have been caught staring. The girl was watching her intently and she smiled a little when Spencer met her eyes. "One of the good things about growing up- you can do whatever you want with your body." The second the words left her mouth, Ashley cringed. "I mean, tattoos and stuff-"

"I got it." Spencer saved her from trying to fix the awkward phrasing. Her smile turned teasing. It was surprising how easily they were talking, considering Ashley was a teacher and Spencer was the student. Then again, she was only the T.A. and couldn't have been more then three years older than Spencer herself. Ashley made an embarrassed face and leaned back a little.

"Have you seen much of la la land?"

"Uh, yeah, Universal City, Santa Monica Pier..." She started rattling off places she had visited with her family when they had first moved. It had been fun then, more of a vacation. But the reality was sinking in and she wasn't sure she liked L.A. as much as she'd hoped she would.

"Ok, stop, stop, you're killing me." Ashley interrupted her, laughing a little. Spencer glanced up, confused, and Ashley's smile softened. "That's not the real L.A." She felt impulsive suddenly. She was half a second from asking Spencer if she wanted a tour of the city when she saw Mr. Perterson walking inside the gym, toupee a little crooked and eyes wandering. Ashley paused. "Well, um, it was cool talking to you Spencer." She smiled at the blonde as she gathered her stuff and stood. "I'll see you in class tomorrow, okay?" Spencer nodded, a little put off by the sudden end of the conversation and Ashley's shift into teacher mode.

"Yeah, okay." She grinned and tilted her head slightly. Ashley paused for a second under that smile and the random instinct to ask Spencer somewhere edged in again. She shook her head once and walked away.

_Smooth, Davies. Real smooth._

IOIOIOI

"Hey, we're home!"

Spencer called out as she dropped her bookbag into a chair by the front door. She pushed off her shoes and left them under the chair. Beside her, Glen ditched his gym bag at the door.

"In here kids!" Paula called from the kitchen. Spencer, in sock feet, padded across the hardwood floors and into the tiled kitchen. Paula was standing over the bar chopping vegetables while Arthur slid something into a pot. "How was school?" The older woman asked, smiling tenderly at two of her children. Spencer smiled a tiny, private smile.

"Good." She answered.

"Who was that hottie I saw you talking to in the gym?" Glen asked, finally hanging up the phone. He had been talking to Madison the whole ride home and if Spencer heard him say "cool", "yeah", or "basketball" one more time she was gonna lose it. She frowned.

"Ms. Davies?" She questioned.

"Was she the second one?" Glen asked as he popped open a soda.

"Two girls? On your first day?" Arthur interjected from his spot at the stove. Spencer rolled her eyes and smiled. She tried to ignore Paula's awkward silence on the issue.

"No, Dad. Carmen and I just have a class together, and Ms. Davies is my chorus teacher- or one of them. We were just talking." Spencer slid onto a bar stool across from Paula.

"She was way hot. And she's a teacher, which makes her hotter." Spencer shook her head.

"Dream on, Glen."

"What? It could happen. It could so happen."

"Yeah, in your mind."

"What, are you gonna go for her?"

"No!" Spencer denied. "But that doesn't mean that..." They kept going, because they were Glen and Spencer and they fought over everything, including girls they would never have. Especially girls they would never have.

"Kids..." Arthur warned, to no avial. Paula stayed quiet.

IOIOIOI

"Hey, we're home!"

Ashley glanced up from her guitar as Kyla's voice rang through the house.

"In here!" She called back, returning her eyes to the sheets of music circling her. A few seconds later Kyla walked into the room, a baby hanging off her hip. "Hey." Ashley grinned warmly at them, sliding the guitar off her shoulder and onto the floor. "And how are you today, little girl." She cooed in a baby voice, reaching her arms out to hold her niece.

"She's cranky..." Kyla sighed and rolled her eyes. Dropping down beside Ashley and her music, the younger girl watched the two. "And of course now she's in a better mood." Kyla complained as the tiny little girl giggled in Ashley's arms. She couldn't have been more than a year old and she wrapped Ashley's curls around her finger. Kyla leaned backwards, shutting her eyes.

"Yeah, that's right Jenny, who's my favorite neice?" Ashley cooed at the little girl who fidgeted in her arms, twisting and grinning. Ashley tickled her lightly. Kyla, still stretched out on the floor, groaned.

"Alright, I'm going to bed. Will you put her down?"

"Sure." Ashley agreed. Kyla pushed herself up and yawned. Then, as an afterthought, she leant down and mussed Ashley's bangs. "Love ya, sis." She was halfway out the door when Ashley looked up, a soft smile on her face.

This was where she needed to be, no matter what.


	5. I Dare You

_**Chapter Five: I Dare You**_

_Three Years, Seven Months Ago_

_Ashley dropped the highlighter onto the thick book before her and gave up on trying to find the most important parts of the Hundred Years War. As far as she could tell, there were absolutely no important parts of the Hundred Years War, not back then and defenitely not now and she really wanted some loud music and overly interesting people, maybe a drink or two, and really, who cared that is was only Tuesday night? Who had decided only three days of the week were good for partying? She sighed and pressed her fingertips into her forehead, sitting back in her soft chair._

_The door slammed open downstairs and she jolted up, half-afraid she had drifted off in the warm room, the lights fuzzed. But the clock still glared 11:12, same as it had when she had closed her eyes. She stood up, one of her knees popping- a result of hours upon hours of sitting at her shiny black piano- and stumbled to the door, one foot asleep. Steadying herself on the frame, she walked the three feet seperating her room from the balcony railing and looked down into the foyer. _

_Wiping her eyes, desperately trying to figure out if she was only dreaming, she blinked twice as she watched her mother- her _mother _- drop luggage on the floor, a handsome man trailing behind her with the rest of the Louis Vuttion ensemble. The man rolled the suitcases next to the marble fountain in the center of the room and slipped his hands in his pockets, suveying the room. Ashley's mom, Christine, waved her hand dissmissively, sunglasses covering her eyes. Like always. _

_"You can hang out, I'll be upstairs." Christine said, strutting toward the staircase. Ashley, still half-frozen, watched Christine, the woman she had gotten all her looks from and none of her personality, float up the stairs. Dissmissive, uncaring, cool and calculating as always, all carefully masked with perfectly faked warmth flowing from her eyes and the soft curves of her face. Ashley felt four years old again, her sweet-smelling mother showing her off to all her friends, looking gorgeous and nice and mom-like: someone to be proud of. Then, she felt ten again, her mother leaving envelopes of money and short notes before trips, her pre-teen mind trying desperately to figure out what she had done, how she had changed, why Christine was fleeing so constantly. _

_Then, she was sixteen again, and steadily learning that her mother was selfish and self-centered and that it had nothing to do with her, though her heart and conscience told her the opposite._

_Ashley knew when Christine had seen her though their eyes didn't meet, her mother's shielded by giant, black sunglasses. But Christine paused for half an instant on the landing, as if she had forgotten that Ashley would be there, as if she had forgotten she had a daughter at all. The tilt in her step told Ashley that her mother had been drinking. Ashley didn't smile, or frown, or move._

_"Ashley." Chrsitine said, as if the young girl was an obstacle in her way, or a minor annoyance._

_"Christine." Ashley pushed back with the same tone. She'd stopped calling her 'mother' a long time ago- somewhere in between the pot dealer from Jamaica and the ex-movie star from India. She was pathetic and Ashley yearned for her attention like nothing else. It was a want so deeply ingrained that she could always feel it pulsing beneath. It scared her. She was used to it._

_"Shouldn't you be asleep or something?" Christine asked, looking over at the large clock hanging against the foyer wall. _

_"Or something." Ashley answered. She was standing awkwardly in the middle of the hall and Christine was lingering undecidedly at the landing. Ashley moved to the left just a little and Christine walked past quickly. Ashley turned to watch her strut down the long hallway toward her room, and she couldn't help her look of disdain. She crossed her arms tight over her chest, but she felt dry- empty. With one last look at her mother, she stepped back into her room. She shut the door with a quiet click that echoed finality._

IOIOI

Ashley was running late, her purse clutched under her arm and a spoon full of baby food cluched between her fingers. She tried to convince Jenny to eat a little bit of it, but the little girl was cranky and she just pushed it away. Ashley was lucky she didn't slap at it. Kyla was upstairs changing from an incident like that earlier. Glancing at the clock again, she yelled up to her sister.

"Kyla, I really have to go!" She called up, still edging the spoon toward Jenny.

"Wasn't the point of you coming back that you were gonna help me out?" Kyla asked, yawning as she walked down the stairs. The words held a hint of bitterness that Ashley fought to ignore.

"Kyla, not right now, seriously. You know I can't-" Ashley abandoned the spoon by the sink and tried to mend whatever had Kyla snapping at her. She couldn't just walk off and leave her mad all day. Kyla cut in.

"Yeah, sorry, I'm just...jealous, I guess." She gave a tired smile. "Go ahead, we'll talk when you get home." She picked up the spoon and headed toward Jenny. Ashley paused by the door for a second, just a moment of fruitless hesitation. Was she...? "Go." Kyla said, without looking up. "You're gonna be late."

Ashley sighed and walked out the door.

IOIOI

Spencer had claimed the front seat, for once, since Glen wasn't taking anyone to school and Clay had been easily pushed into the back. She watched his reflection in the side window for a moment. His eyes were sparkling, flicking across the L.A. sights, and he seemed excited. She let a soft smile flicker across her face. She was glad Clay had met someone- he deserved it. He deserved the world. Spencer, though almost a year younger, felt fiercely protective over Clay. She eyed the passing scenery herself and thought forward to her classes. She was looking forward to one in particular, although she tried to tell herself she wasn't.

They pulled up to the school, Glen barely missing a group of goths who walked in front of the car. He lay on his horn at them and Spencer slapped his arm. He was such an ass. She swung her bookbag over her arm and stepped out of the car, ignoring Glen's teasing. People were moving everywhere, always in a hurry and in their own world and she wasn't used to it yet. She wondered if she ever would be. She moved, stepping into her own focus and her own hurry.

She was turning the corner of a hallway when she collided with someone. Neither fell, but she and the warm body she had just hit stumbled backwards. A couple books spilled from the person's arms- a guy, she realized. She blushed.

"I'm so sorry." She apologized quickly, leaning down to help him. He was gathering the few books he had been carrying and looked at her in surprise when she moved to help.

"Hey, it's fine, no big." He shrugged, standing back up. Spencer decided she was entirely too lucky. The guy was gorgeous, all short dark hair and intelligent eyes. He looked cocky, but sweet. He paused. "Do I know you?" He asked. Spencer shook her head.

"Probably not, I just moved here." She smiled and held out her hand. "I'm Spencer." She introduced herself.

"David." He said, shaking her hand and grinning. The bell rang. "I gotta go, but I'll see you around, Spencer." He promised, eyeing her. She blushed back and smiled.

"Yeah. You too." She replied. He edge around her, turning his head to follow her with his eyes. She kept walking, blushing and smiling softly.

IOIOI

Spencer had been waiting in the abandoned classroom for ten minutes and was beginning to think maybe she was supposed to meet Ashley in the regular classroom. That would be embarrassing. Her phone buzzed quietly behind her and she reached back into her bag to pull it out. _1 Message from Kary_. She pushed read and quickly skimmed the long text. It was from her ex-girlfriend and said something along the lines of missing her and wanting her and every cliche sentence the other girl could think of. Spencer rolled her eyes, but couldn't help but smile. That was Kary, always with the sweet and corny.

The door clicked open and Spencer looked up to see Ashley running in, her purse, coffee, and papers clutched under arms and in hands. She was a mess of things. Spencer smiled a little, standing up. She ditched her phone into her bag, deciding to reply later when she could actually think.

"Need some help?" She offered and Ashley looked up to catch her eyes.

"Yeah. I'm so sorry I'm late, my sister, and her baby..." Ashley trailed off as she handed Spencer her coffee and purse and smiled a little embarrassedly. "Sorry. I'm kind of new at this." She apologized. Spencer grinned and set the things on the table beside them.

"No problem. I'm pretty much new at all of this." She explained. She felt comfortable around Ashley, especially after the talk they'd had the day before.

"Oh yeah, Ohio girl right?" Ashley asked as she organized some papers. Spencer nodded and sat down at one of the desks around the classroom.

"Yep, born and raised." She paused studying Ashley carefully. "What about you? L.A. all your life?" Ashley looked over to meet her eyes, surprised she had asked.

"Yeah. Well, I moved away last year, but I'm back now." Spencer was about to ask why when the door opened and Ms. James walked in.

"How's it going?" She asked, looking at the two who appeared to be doing nothing. She frowned the tiniest bit.

"Uh, I just got-" Ashley started to explain, but Spencer cut her off.

"Ashley just got out the music and we're about to start." She told Ms. James, giving her a friendly smile. The older lady eyed them curisouly, but didn't argue.

"Alright, well if you need any help I'm a few rooms down." She grinned and disappeared through the door again, but paused, leaning inside. "Remember, keep this door open. Student-teacher laws and everything." She left the door wide open and walked away. Spencer frowned.

"What does that mean?" She asked Ashley, who had recovered the papers she wanted and was moving toward Spencer.

"Uh..." She mumbled, staring at the music in her hands. She took a seat directly across from the blonde and looked up to stare into her eyes. "Like, student-teacher affairs and stuff, we have to leave the door open so that there's no oppurtunity of us doing anything...illegal." She spoke, looking directly into Spencer's eyes. The younger girl almost blushed, but stopped herself. She was seventeen, Ashley was probably nineteen or twenty...how illegal could that be? She halted those thoughts, a little too late.

"Oh." Was all she said, looking down at her desk. Ashley's eyes lingered on her face for a moment, but she pulled them away.

"So, let's get started."


	6. I'm Not That Girl

_**Chapter Six : I'm Not That Girl**_

_Four Years, Three Months Ago_

_Ashley, balancing two cups of hot coffee- Kyla had made it, because Ashley always made it way too strong -trudged up the stairs. There were times she didn't like living in a mansion, and this was one of those times. But then again, there were more times when she did, and the remnants of one of those times littered her living room and the stairs she was climbing. Empty bottles, crumpled cups, bags and underwear and just...mess, everywhere. She sipped at the coffee as she surveyed the disaster from the top of the stairs. _

_Eh, the maids would clean it._

_Kyla was lying on her stomach in her bed, resting her head on her arm and trying to keep from falling asleep. Ashley set the cups down and bounced on the bed beside her._

_"Come on Ky, we have to meet Dad at the airport." Ashley said, poking her sister in the side. _

_"No we don't." Kyla groaned, rolling onto her back, her voice odd. Ashley folded her legs beneath her and surveyed her sister. Kyla's eyes were shut tight, mascara smeared, gloss gone. She looked terrible. Ashley frowned._

_"Are you ok?" Ashley asked, reaching out to pull away Kyla's arm. Tearstains ran down the girl's face. "Kyla, what's the matter?" A cold fear slipped between her ribs. Kyla blinked her eyes open and stared at the ceiling._

"_Dad died."_

_The words were so foreign and so _stupid_- like they were never meant to be put together, to be uttered in a string of syllables. As if every letter was rebelling against those around it. Ashley didn't respond. Her heart expanded, felt so much more than it was able to, then tightened, tried to pull it all back together._

_Then, it shattered, falling to pieces and slicing down her gut. It all fell apart. She couldn't breathe._

"_What?" Slipped out of her mouth, and then she smiled just a tiny bit, uselessly. She was numb, with eyes too wide. "Kyla, c'mon." A thread of desperation ran through her teasing tone. Kyla finally met Ashley's eyes._

"_Ash." She said simply, and Ashley stumbled back off the bed, but her legs were unable to keep her up. She knelt to the ground weakly, her hands clutching at carpet without realizing._

"Fuck_. Kyla, fuck. Why did you have to tell me?" That made absolutely no sense; Ashley didn't care. She stared down at the floor without seeing anything at all. The other girl didn't respond; she simply stared up at the ceiling, hand thrown over her forehead. Ashley bent over the carpet, retching a little, the stink and mess of the night before boiling up in her stomach, until she vomited into the white carpet. She wiped at her mouth, and sat back on her heels. _

_Her eyes were wide open and dry. She was wide open and numb, except for an aching, throbbing gap in her chest. The house was muffled with the silence in that room. Her life was muffled by the silence in that room. _

_They stayed that way for a long while. There are moments that change you._

_That was one of Ashley's._

IOIOI

Sunlight peeked through barely parted curtains and danced across the carpeted floor with the shifting clouds. It left dappled, yellow patterns across the white floor and stained everything else a darker, surreal color. Kyla leaned over her daughter's crib, fingers tugging at the blanket keeping her warm. She tucked it a little closer. Jenny slept soundly, fingers splayed across her stomach and tucked in her blanket.

Kyla smiled sweetly, openly.

The room was filled with furniture of varying shades of white; walls, toys, stuffed animals, even the clothes were all the same pristine color. It echoed the personality of Christine Davies perfectly. For all her faults- and there were so many –she had loved Jenny. The little girl wasn't even really her granddaughter, but after the older woman had been diagnosed with cancer she had spent every second by the little girl's side. Maybe it was a want to reclaim youth, maybe it was a penance for all the years she had wasted.

Kyla didn't know. But she also didn't know where she would have been without the older lady. She hadn't been much help in the child-rearing department (she'd never done it herself), but she had paid for clothes, diapers, food, and countless doctor visits. She had been there, even amidst the shame and loss.

Kyla told everyone she didn't know who the father was. She had spent four months at college, fresh out of high school, and then returned home with a slowly growing belly and an intense craving for fried pickles at all hours of the night. Christine was the only one still living in the Davies mansion and it was Kyla's luck that she had been there the weekend Kyla returned. They never really spoke of it. Everyone else did. Kyla told everyone she didn't know who the father was.

She was lying.

Jenny Avery Woods was born late May in a quiet hospital room. Christine was by Kyla's side, a new discovery resting heavily on her shoulders. She visited her own doctor later that afternoon and her entire world shifted. Maybe it was luck, or destiny, but she fell head over heels in love with the little girl who rested in her ex-husband's daughter's arms.

She died barely three months later, towards the end of August. She left almost everything to Jenny, under the care of Kyla and Ashley. Ashley, who had begged her sister to let her come home and help with the baby only to be told forcefully to remain at college, flew back the next day. She came with a couple suitcases, a free semester, and grim determination. She took care of funeral arrangements, moved back into the bedroom she had escaped barely a year earlier, and stayed up with Jenny while Kyla cried in the next room.

And there they were. Kyla rocked Jenny to sleep and was still surprised when Christine didn't come in to take over. Ashley woke up earlier than she ever had and went to work, because she couldn't sit at home and mourn a woman she hated. Kyla was broken and Ashley was slowly helping her heal.

Kyla kissed Jenny on the forehead and moved over to the shielded window. Slowly, she pushed back the heavy curtains. Sunlight streamed into the large bedroom, glancing off white furniture and shining brightly on soft, plushy toys. The wide, green lawn stretched out across the backyard; short, stout trees broke the even display. The fence of the tennis courts was barely visible. A pool shone blue in the distance. Kyla blinked.

This wasn't how she had imagined, but it was going to work.

IOIOI

Spencer smiled when she walked into the classroom, her bag already falling from her shoulder and down onto one of the desks. Ashley sat at the teacher's desk across the room with a spread of papers stretched out in front of her, an adorably concentrated look on her face.

"Hey." Spencer said, heading in Ashley's direction. They were only a couple days into the whole teaching thing, but they were quickly getting comfortable with each other. Almost _too_ comfortable. Ashley glanced up, a warm smile already blooming on her face.

"Good morning." She murmured, then recognized her flirty voice and looked back down at her papers, a little embarrassed at the side Spencer brought out in her. "Ready to get started?" She asked in a clearer voice, head still bent over a few sheets of music.

"Yeah." Spencer responded. She stopped in front of the desk and laid a careful hand on the corner, fingers pushing against the wood. "What are we doing today?" Ashley pushed back from the desk and stood up. She shoved a few papers into a messy stack and then caught Spencer's eye.

"Breathing exercises." She answered. "Ms. James gave me her syllabus this morning and apparently I skipped that part." Ashley made a face and Spencer chuckled. "We'll start with the simple stuff." She walked toward the front of the classroom where they usually worked, Spencer trailing behind, her eyes roving over Ashley's body.

All the lights were off and the room was shaded dark grey; the only light came from the huge windows facing the parking lot. It was soft and intimate and it made her a little sleepy. It made Ashley's eyes sparkle teasingly.

"If you want to get your voice _out_ there- have really good volume and range- you have to breathe deep down." Ashley stopped in front of the white board and turned to the blonde. "So, start off with your feet shoulder-width apart." She demonstrated and Spencer followed suit. "Then, raise your hands over your head. See how your ribs go up?" Ashley stood with her hands over her head, obviously in teacher mode, but the stance was bringing attention to something else entirely and Spencer tried to focus on Ashley's face.

"Yeah." She agreed, a little breathlessly. She took a breath, composed herself, and brought her own arms up.

"Alright, bring your arms down slowly and keep your ribs up. Feel that?" Ashley asked. Spencer nodded, because she really did. "That means you have plenty of space to breathe. Now-" Ashley chuckled a little "-Ms. James always used to say this, but pretend you have a tail." Spencer's eyebrows went up dubiously and Ashley laughed, really laughed. "I know. But, where your spine ends, pretend it keeps going until it reaches the floor, like a kangaroo's tail. It helps with balance." Spencer, a little hesitant, followed Ashley's instructions. It really did feel like she had plenty of space to breathe.

Ashley moved a little closer and Spencer held her position rigidly.

"Your ab muscles, right here-" Ashley pressed the palm of her hand against her own stomach and Spencer watched, a little fascinated, as the muscles hardened under her hand. "- that's what pushes your voice out. Try this- Ohhhhh…." She sang a low, crystal clear note. Spencer had never heard the older girl sing before- they had been doing music theory for the past couple days. The sound was like a single ring of a porcelain bell. It was a little breathtaking.

"Ohhh…" Spencer started shakily, but it definitely didn't resemble Ashley's note. The other girl chuckled, but then stopped at Spencer's glare, a chagrined look on her face.

"Your using the muscles up here-" She touched the area beneath her breasts, fingers pressing into material. She slid her hands down "-instead of here." Spencer tried again, but the sound faltered in her throat. Ashley smiled nicely, and moved even closer. She was about to break fifty rules, but she couldn't stop her hand…

Ashley pressed her fingers into Spencer's stomach.

"Push out against my hand." Ashley said. Spencer, her face slowly heating up, tried to. Her muscles contracted easily under Ashley's heated touch; long fingers trembled against the tight stomach. "Good." Ashley said, struggling a little to remain completely calm. "Now, try that note again, using those muscles." She carefully pulled back her hand. _Shit, shit, shit._ She chanted in her mind.

Spencer's belly was quivering and she could feel Ashley's hand imprinted on her skin, but she took a deep breath and sang out, her muscles contracting. The noise was clear and settled. Ashley grinned.

"That was great!" She said, honestly a little surprised. She hadn't been expecting Spencer to have a great voice. Spencer grinned back brilliantly.

"Really?" She asked, a little breathlessly, body still thrumming from Ashley's touch. The brunette was still a little too close, but it wasn't uncomfortable. Ashley chuckled.

"Yeah." She took a step back and picked up an Expo marker. She was trying to edge back into teacher mode, but the feel on Spencer's body tightening under her touch- she paused. Carefully, controlled, she started drawing on the board. "Now, this one's a little harder…"

Her voice shook slightly. Spencer's fingers were trembling.

IOIOI

The cafeteria was packed with people and Spencer paused by the door, her bag lunch swinging from her hand. This was her fifth day and she wasn't at all used to the sheer number of people in her school. She didn't recognize anyone, although she'd only talked to a few people so far. She wasn't exactly shy, but she was far from outgoing.

Someone bumped into her from behind, nudging her forward a few steps. She caught herself and turned around to see a guy turning as well.

"My bad." He was already apologizing before he even saw her. When their eyes met, he grinned. "Hey, Spencer, right?" He asked. Spencer nodded, smiling as well.

"Yeah." She answered. David, the guy she had almost trampled a couple days before, chuckled.

"We've got to stop meeting like this." He joked, moving a little closer. Spencer laughed. He paused, furrowed his eyebrows cutely for a second, and then gestured behind him. "Uh, do you want to sit with us?" He asked. Spencer followed his fingers to a group of well-dressed kids chattering excitedly. She hesitated.

"Sure." She replied. His smile brightened and he turned to follow the group, Spencer trailing behind. He managed to get her a seat next to him, crammed beside a girl who was actually wearing her cheerleading uniform. The girl shot her a curious, half-hostile look and then went back to talking to her friends.

"So, where are you from?" He asked, pulling a sandwich out of his bag and shifting his eyes over to her. It was the quintessential new kid question, but he played it off as though he was actually interested. His clear, blue-green eyes trailed over her face. She wasn't blushing and her beat slowly and surely. She was used to guys flirting with her, but she wasn't brusque enough to get in their faces and tell them she was gay. They figured it out sooner and later and left in a huff of self-righteous anger, as though she had betrayed them. She wondered if LA was as close-minded as Ohio, but she wasn't getting her hopes up.

Teenagers were teenagers, no matter where you went. Some were cool, some were close-minded; all of them were young.

"Ohio." She answered, unwrapping her own sandwich.


	7. I'll Be Around

_**Chapter Seven: I'll Be Around**_

_Three Years Ago _

_Kyla was crying, again, buried under her covers with a box of tissues. Ashley could hear her sobbing quietly from her spot against the door frame. She had been hesitating in that spot for a good ten minutes, arms crossed tightly against her chest and worn, black-rimmed eyes unflinching._

_She knew why the younger girl was crying, she just didn't want to hear it from the girl herself._

_She sighed, turning her eyes heavenward as if to push back tears or irritation. You could never tell, not with Ashley. Pushing off the frame and unfolding her arms in a smooth motion, she edged toward Kyla's bed as if she was going to turn and flee any second, as if there was some invisible barrier guiding her in the opposite direction. She placed herself on the edge of the bed, a few pillows and bunched covers away from her heartbroken half-sister._

_Kyla's sniffling quieted a little and her form curled into an even smaller ball beneath the sheets. Ashley lifted her hand and gently placed it where she supposed Kyla's shoulder was. That was all it took, and the girl whirled out from beneath the blankets, eyes red-rimmed and electric, accusing without words._

_"Get out." Kyla spat vehemently. Ashley, honestly shocked by the emotion in Kyla's face, drew her hand back instinctively. Kyla's eyes didn't lose an ounce of anger, and her voice went up with her desperation. "Get out!" She yelled. Ashley backed off the bed._

_"Kyla, what are-"_

_"Fuck you, Ashley. Get the fuck out of my room." The last sentence was calm, too controlled. Ashley had never seen the younger girl so devastatingly angry._

_"You don't think-"_

_"Don't tell me what to think. I know, okay? Get. Out." Kyla wasn't sure if it was anger or embarrassment or base humiliation that was running her actions, but she couldn't keep a handle on them any longer. Her fingers clutched, tangled in the mussed covers, her eyes glared wildly. _

_Ashley took two hesitant steps backwards toward the door, half of her hoping Kyla would suddenly break down and apologize, the other half feeling immeasurably guilty. But for what? Nothing had happened; nothing was going to happen. Their lives were changing based on "could be's" and "probably can's". Kyla's red-laced, dark eyes stayed locked with her's._

_Finally, after what felt like a lifetime of breaks and mistakes, Ashley whirled around and left, slamming the door behind her. She thumped down the stairs, her own tears pressing dangerously against her eyelids. It wasn't fair, because it wasn't her fault, and it wasn't as if she had asked for any of this._

_Because she hadn't. She had barely even hinted at it._

"_How is she?" His voice melted into her thoughts, steady and maybe a little wary, from his place on their living room couch. Ashley shot him a disbelieving look._

"_You shouldn't be here, Aiden." She said, continuing into the kitchen. She heard him hop off the couch, his footsteps tapping after her's._

"_How are _you_ doing?" He asked, catching up quickly and grasping her arm. He turned her around carefully._

"_You shouldn't have done that." Was all Ashley said, their bodies too close._

"_I had to." He replied. She looked up into his eyes, the similar colors reflecting off each other. She loved him, but they couldn't happen. "Ash." He said, as if he could read her thoughts._

"_Stop." She murmured, and she turned away. _

IOIOI

Ashley's fingers pressed smoothly against the keys, playing a tune she didn't need sheet music to remember. Ms. James was rustling through papers at the counter a few feet away, but once Ashley started singing everything else just melted into itself; every image folded together and noise faded. She timed her voice with the music, the music with her voice. She let her fingers do what they wanted. Let them draw out melodies and a slow beat she had learned years ago.

"_Is everybody happy now? Is everybody clear?"_ Her voice was low; almost a murmur, barely a sound. Her brown eyes followed her fingers' path across the black and white rectangles_. "We could drive out to the dunes tonight, 'cos summer's almost here…"_ There was that tangible feeling behind it; that crystal ache. _"I've been up all night and I might sleep all day..."_ She tilted her head down. "_Get your dreams just right; let 'em slip away…I might sleep all day…"_

Her fingers stuttered over a few notes, purposefully dancing over the same line, skipping forward in her head. That's what she loved about playing it herself: sometimes she just skipped to the best parts. Her notes slowed again.

"_Fix your hair just right… put your jeans on tight… Wear a dress so I can get it off real easy…"_

"Ashleyyy." Ms. James' slightly disapproving voice sounded from the counter. Ashley's eyes darted over to the older woman, who remained buried in her papers, scribbling on something with half a pencil. She smirked.

Moving her hands from their frozen position on the keys, she slid off of the bench.

"I gotta go." Ashley decided, glancing at the clock. It was a quarter to four.

"See you tomorrow." Ms. James waved her off, still not looking up. Ashley smiled affectionately at the oblivious woman and pulled her purse out from a drawer. She was fumbling for her keys on the way out the door when a loud, familiar whistle rang out from somewhere on the quad. She didn't bother glancing up, until she heard another familiar voice and the unmistakable sound of someone hitting someone else.

She glanced up to see an older blonde guy staring at her while Spencer Carlin glared at him angrily. She couldn't help a small smile when she saw the irritated embarrassment Spencer was shooting at what appeared to be her older brother. She assumed he had whistled, because her was leering at her with a twinkle in his eye. He stood up and started walking toward her, but Spencer still hadn't looked her way. Instead, the younger girl shot the boy one more angry glance and headed in the opposite direction. Ashley's smile faded.

"Hey, Ms. Davies, right?" The guy called out, slipping a phone into his pocket and apparently spurred on by her attention. The attention hadn't been for him; she literally couldn't stop watching Spencer Carlin, as stupid as it was. The blonde disappeared around the corner, and Ashley turned her attention back to her keys.

"Yeah." She answered, because she kind of had to, right? She didn't look up from her purse, but she didn't move away from him.

"I'm Glen Carlin." He stuck out his hand. Ashley eyed it for a second, before grasping it quickly and weakly. "New kid." He said as she pulled her hand back.

"Ashley Davies." She murmured, finally yanking her keys out from a tangle of ponytail holders and gum wrappers. "Also new." She still wouldn't meet his eyes. High school boys could be so _persistent, _though. She wondered, breifly and unexplainably, where Spencer had gone. The events of the morning- with the touching and the heart racing- were firmly imprinted in her mind.

"But you're a teacher." He said dumbly.

"Yeah. Look, I've got to get going…" She gestured toward the parking lot, finally glancing up to meet his eyes. She was surprised to see that they were the exact same shade of blue as Spencer's, with the same layered intelligence. That was more surprising than the color. And why did she care, again? "Are you Spencer's brother?" She asked, when the curiosity got the best of her.

"Yep." His smirk remained, though his eyes turned a little confused. Ashley smiled, for real this time.

"It's nice to meet you, then." She said, then turned away toward her car, the smile still lingering on her mouth. Glen stayed where he was. When Ashley squealed out of the lot a couple minutes later in her silver Porsche, he was still scratching his head. _No one_ was immune to the Carlin charm, unless they were attracted to the _other_ Carlin charm…

Inside her car and a few minutes away, Ashley couldn't keep the young, blonde girl out of her mind.

IOIOI

Spencer finally came out of her room at dinner time, after locking herself up there for almost two hours. After Glen's stupid whistling and flirting and everything else he could do without repurcussion, she'd just wanted to chill. She knew Glen didn't know she was crushing on the young teacher, but that didn't mean she couldn't be pissed.

"So, I heard you had lunch with that David guy." Glen muttered in Spencer's direction, half a meatball sub shoved into his mouth. Spencer looked up from her salad and across the table. Clay, sitting on her right side, looked over half-curiously.

"How did you hear that?" Spencer asked. She would never understand how her brother managed to insert himself right in the middle of everything. It had been worse back in Ohio, but he seemed to be getting right back to constantly nosing into her business. Glen just shrugged.

"He likes you." He said, after swallowing a giant bite. Spencer glanced back down into her food.

"So." She said gently, already fearing what was coming. Paula, at the other end of the table, scrutinized her daughter carefully. She had perked up at Glen's words, but Spencer's indifference let her down. Clay ate silently.

"Don't lead him on, sweetie." Paula said from her end. A stifling silence settled over the room. Clay titled his head closer to his food, trying to reel in the instinct to lash out at his mother on his sister's behalf. Spencer looked up, forgetting her food, remembering the script of their on-going resentment.

"Mom, I'm not doing anything. We just talked."

"Talking is everything, Spencer, you know it." Paula said cordially, still not meeting her daughter's eyes. Spencer sighed and pushed her dinner away. Suddenly, Glen sat back. His eyes were sparkling, a piece of information begging to get out, to taunt Spencer with- though why he thought she cared, no one could tell.

"So, me and Ms. Davies had a _chat_ this afternoon." His telling smirk was almost infuriating. Spencer sighed again, fed up. She definitely didn't want to talk about Ash- _Ms. Davies_. Glen knew- or, he should have known- well, it was just stupid. The whole thing. She tossed her napkin onto her plate and walked out without another word. She brushed past Arthur on his way back in with a bowl of mashed potatoes and thumped up the stairs.

"What'd I miss?" Arthur asked, surprise in his voice.

Spencer pushed open her door and closed it behind her, flopping onto her bed. They hadn't been there a week and Paula was already returning to the same bitchy remarks she had been throwing out constantly back at home. Spencer had hoped- blindly, naively- that things would change in LA. But there were back where they'd started: Glen blindly trying to fix things that weren't always broken, Clay staying utterly neutral, Paula glaring, and Arthur coming in too late to stop everything, to understand anything.

She hated it sometimes. But, she'd come home with a girlfriend barely four months ago. Maybe she was expecting too much.

Maybe she was totally still a teenager.

A knock sounded quietly from her door, but she didn't move her head.

"Go away, Dad." She groaned quietly. The door clicked open.

"Spencer?" She heard her dad's heavy footfalls into the room, stopping at the edge of her bed. Spencer kept her head turned away. "You want to go get some ice cream?" He asked. Spencer didn't respond, just slammed her eyes shut.

"Yeah."

"I'll be in the car." Arthur said, and the door clicked shut a few seconds later. Spencer sat up, wiping at eyes that hadn't shed tears yet but threatened to. The move, the _chorus teacher_, the lack of friends, the _gay_. She just wanted to curl under her covers sometimes and wait for all of it to go away. She sighed and stood up, because she never let herself indulge in that escape.

Grabbing her hoodie from the chair by her window, she slid out the door and down the stairs, disappearing out the front. He dad was already in the car and she got inside without a word. Her eyes weren't as tired anymore. They drove in silence for a mile or so, the bland neighborhood passing by.

"I know it gets hard sometimes, sweetie." Arthur finally spoke, his voice sliding beneath the silence and somehow overcoming it. "But we love you so much." _Even though…_His voice seemed to imply. Sometimes, it felt like that was all they knew about her and the only thing they cared about. But how was she supposed to tell him that? She could barely form the thought in her own mind.

"I know." She said, and rolled her eyes.

IOIOI

Ashley's bare feet were silent against the carpet, toes pressing imprints into white. She was up with Jenny for the second time that night, cradling the baby in her arms. She was letting Kyla get some sleep (finally) and sacrificing her own in the process. Gently, she rocked the little girl in her arms and waited for her to drift off. It wasn't a hard feat, just time-consuming. While she rocked, her feet carried her around the room in an massive circle that never ended.

She sang to the little girl, because that's what she was good at.

"_Yes, we couldn't be happier; right, dear? Couldn't be happier, right here. Look what we've got, a fairytale plot; our very own happy ending…Where we couldn't be happier; true, dear. Couldn't be happier. And we're happy to share our ending vicariously with all of you…" _

She kept going, singing lyrics from a musical she'd been in last year. She'd done the show for almost six months and she knew it inside out. It seemed to calm the girl at least a little bit and her breathing evened out, but she kept staring up at Ashley with familiar brown eyes, a devious twinkle in sparkling in them that was even more painfully familiar.

"Go to sleep, honey." Ashley murmured in the same voice she'd been singing in. Eventually, Jenny's eyes fluttered shut, her thumb wedged firmly in her mouth. Ashley smiled softly and carefully laid the girl in her crib. "I love you, lil' Jen." She muttered in a baby voice, so quietly she could barely hear it.

Yawning into her fingers and trying not to trip down the stairs, she aimed toward the kitchen. A quick glance at the massive grandfather clock in the foyer showed that it was well past three and she was probably going to feel dead the next morning. She yawned again, out of habit. After snatching an apple from the fridge and setting up coffee for the next morning, she crept into the music room.

It was late, but that quiet part of her that spoke in only music notes- in only curving voices, in only clanging keys- and managed to smother any other instinct had emerged from out of nowhere. She sat in front of her million-dollar piano, the keys reflecting brilliantly in the moonlight. Her fingers itched to play and she couldn't remember feeling that way once in the past few months. She played from habit, from long-lasting ambition, and from a little love. But not from need. Not like now.

She placed a hesitant finger on the C note.

IOIOI

Spencer woke up in a tangle of sheets, her heart racing a little faster of necessary. Her room was dark gray, the blinds pulled shut. Beside her, the alarm buzzed angrily and she clicked it off, running a shaky hand through her hair as she sat up. Her mind was still spinning from an exquistely dirty dream involving Ms. Davies and not many clothes. She breathed in, crossing her ankles.

It was ridiculous what that girl was doing to her.

Or, rather, what Spencer wished she would do to her.

She sighed, a smile creeping onto her face, and slid out of bed. It took her barely ten minutes to get dressed- that's how totally, pathetically ready she was to get to school and see Ashley. She glanced down at her phone as she yanked it away from the charger. Kary had texted her about four times. She scanned through them quickly. _My dad just got diagnosed with lung cancer. Spencer, I really need to talk to you. Call me back?_ They went on like that until Spencer couldn't bear to read anymore. She quickly typed back a reply.

As she walked down the upstairs hallway, Glen stuck his head out his bedroom door.

"Did you talk to Kary?" He asked. Spencer knew the girl had probably texted Glen about it as well- they had been close, once upon a time.

"Not really. I just got her messages." Spencer admitted.

"She's not too good." Glen said, pulling the door shut. He followed Spencer down the stairs and out the door. The ride to school was quiet- they had all known Kary's dad. It was odd, honestly, that something like that would happen.

IOIOI

"I brought coffee." Ashley announced as she came through the wide open classroom door. Spencer was leaning against the teacher's desk, staring off into nothing. "And it looks like you need it." Ashley continued. Spencer glanced over and smiled, accepting the styrafoam cup Ashley handed her.

"Should I be insulted by that?" She asked. Ashley leaned back against the desk beside her and pretended to ponder the question.

"Probably." She answered, sipping her coffee casually. Spencer chuckled.

"Well." Spencer said. "You like you need it, too." Ashley laughed and moved forward, placing her coffee where she had been sitting a few seconds earlier.

"What do you want to do today?" The older girl asked. Spencer simply watched her teacher move across the room, only half-listening to her voice.

"Whatever you want." She said. She was still tired from the night before, especially Paula's pathetic attempt at an apology, and the news from earlier that morning was weighing down on her. She really needed a distraction. Ashley glanced at her, reading the girl easily and instantly opting for a free day.

"Well, I'm thinking we need to watch _Wipe Out_." She said, sliding into the teacher's chair and turning on the monitor. Spencer raised her eyebrows, but didn't respond. After a second, Ashley glanced up.

"Seriously?" Spencer asked when their eyes met. Ashley, hiding a smile, shot her an affronted look.

"Of course." She said. "Pull up a chair." She grinned, and Spencer couldn't help smiling back. She dragged a chair next to Ashley and sat down, resting her elbows on the desk. Ashley glanced over at the younger girl, who looked at the screen expectantly. She smiled to herself and started typing.


	8. I Bet You Look Good on the Dance Floor

_**Chapter Eight : I Bet You Look Good on the Dance Floor**_

_Two Years, Eleven Months Ago_

"_I think I'm drunk." Kyla giggled hilariously. A red cup dangled from her hand, dangerously close to slipping from her uncoordinated fingers. She was half-leaning, half-falling against a chest-of-drawers, a stupid smile on her face. She giggled again. All of those actions were providing solid facts to back up her statement._

_Ashley's eyebrows went up._

"_You think?" She asked, her voice dripping with sarcasm. Kyla's face shifted, her suddenly serious eyes boring into Ashley's, her body tilting forward. The image was totally ruined when the younger girl stumbled, her hands stretching for support. Ashley caught her and helped her over to the bed._

"_Well…" Kyla started, gesturing profoundly. Ashley tried to keep a straight face, because laughing when Kyla was seriously drunk- or drunk, and trying to be serious- was not a smart thing to do._

"_What?"_

"_Aiden is fucking that freshmen cheerleader." Kyla whispered conspiratorially. Ashley nodded in agreement._

"_I know." She whispered back. Kyla erupted in slurred giggles again. It had barely been a month since their not-so-friendly break-up and, needless to say, Kyla wasn't handling it too well. Ashley had taken to completely avoiding the boy she had grown up with because he was saying things, trying things that she knew would shatter what little was left of Kyla's heart._

"_See, I thought you two were getting it on behind my back, but it turns out he just doesn't like us, Ash." Kyla rambled, pausing to sip her drink again. It would have stung a little, except Ashley had other things on her mind. There might have been something more than her sister's heart keeping her from Aiden. Her phone buzzed in her pocket and she pulled it out to read a text message. _I'm outside.

_She smiled to herself. _

"_I'll be right back." Ashley told Kyla, leaving the girl close to passing out on the soft, unfamiliar bed. She stepped over to the door and opened it to reveal Josie leaning casually against the wall. Ashley grinned, in all her nose-crinkling glory, and moved much too close to the other girl._

"_Hey." Josie said husked, wrapping Ashley in a hug. _

"_Hi." Ashley mumbled into her neck, twining her arms around Josie's waist. She smelled like beer and Victoria's Secret. It still didn't feel quite allowed, but it felt natural. The older girl pressed a sticky kiss into Ashley's forehead._

"_You wanna go somewhere a little more private?" Josie asked, her eyes darting down the presently empty hallway. Ashley smirked, just a little._

"_Yeah." She answered. Josie, a shit-eating grin on her face, laced her fingers with Ashley's and tugged her down the hallway._

IOIOI

Glen was already steaming through the ears when Spencer climbed into the car after school. He sent her a dirty glare that wasn't quite focused and growled to himself as he turned the ignition.

"T. G. I –fucking-" He slammed the car into gear-"F." He backed out without looking and Spencer cringed when she heard someone squeal to a stop behind them.

"Glen, are you trying to get into a wreck?" She asked, already getting annoyed. Glen snorted.

"Yeah. That's exactly what I'm doing, Spencer. You're totally brilliant." Glen didn't respond well to sarcasm when he was pissed. Spencer just sat back in her seat and crossed her arms. Clay had, luckily for him, caught a ride with Chelsea, so Spencer had to put up with Glen's PMSing by herself.

"Did somebody get the same tennis shoes as you, Glen?" She referenced a really embarrassing inside joke. He ignored her and burned a little rubber pulling out onto the main street. His driving was life-threatening when he wasn't in a good mood and Spencer was about one red light away from diving out of the car and walking home. She carefully buckled her seat belt.

They drove for a couple minutes in silence, echoing honks and idling engines creeping through the sealed windows. Spencer was reaching for the radio when Glen sighed.

"Madison's going out with this jerk tonight." He muttered. Spencer frowned. Her mind was blank.

"Madison?"

"The hot girl I took home a few days ago." Glen refreshed her memory. "The _Latino_ one?" Spencer's frown didn't fade, although the reason for it shifted.

"Why do you-" _Care_, is what she wanted to ask, but she caught herself in time. "I mean, why didn't you ask her out?" She was a good sister.

"I did… She told me she was watching her grandma." Spencer couldn't help the short laugh that escaped her. Glen sighed, resting his elbow on the edge of the window.

"And you believed her?" Spencer asked. Glen stared out his window silently and Spencer felt a little bad. "I mean, she's obviously an idiot. Go for somebody cooler." Glen ignored her.

"They're going to this club tonight." His words ended, but Spencer had known him for 17 years and she could read between the lines.

"Glen…"

"You might meet some people. I'm sure there will be cool people there." Spencer kind of doubted it. But Glen was almost pleading now. "I can't go by myself, Spence."

"I don't know…" She scratched at her leg. Glen dropped the bomb.

"What else are you doing?"

What could she say to that?

IOIOI

Crumpled sheet music, three guitar picks, two Starbucks cups, a couple t-shirts, an empty cigarette pack, and about twenty Cds littered the back of her car. Ashley was stretched out on the backseat, hands rifling through the mess on the floor. She had tossed an old flash drive in the back a day earlier and she could not find it in all the crap.

Her hands stilled as her fingers ran over a familiar piece of music that had slid to the floor. It was just a simple piano piece, but the day before she and Spencer had written terrible lyrics to it- something about going down to the lake for a good time. Spencer's loopy handwriting was dashed across the paper. Ashley smiled a little stupidly to herself, but forced it to fade off her face.

She sighed and sat up, resting her hands on her thighs. She needed that stupid drive, because it had about half of her new music and-

"Ms. Davies?"

She turned her head when someone said her name. The assistant principal was standing outside her car door, looking at her curiously. She smiled, feigning relaxation.

"Hi, Mr. Peterson." She said, and he smiled swiftly.

"I just wanted to tell you that I appreciate your welcoming attitude when it comes to the Carlin children. I've seen you with them and your friendly attitude is certainly helping them adjust." Mr. Peterson's voice was so blank and contrived that Ashley honestly couldn't tell if he was serious or not. And plus, Carlin _children_? They were hardly two years younger then her. They were so not children.

"You're welcome." She said, still sitting awkwardly in her back seat.

"Well, keep it up." He smiled weirdly again and walked away. Before Ashley could even think "_what the fuck_?" her phone went off.

"Hello?" She bit at one of her nails as she listened to the voice on the other end. "Tonight?… Sure, why not."

IOIOI

Clay straightened his collar for the twelfth time, his stance rigid and uneasy in front of the hallway mirror. Spencer pushed his hand away as she walked past him, a small smile on her face.

"You'll be fine." She said reassuringly. He and Chelsea were coming with her and Glen to the club; and despite the fact that Chelsea had dropped him off barely three hours earlier, he was nervous to the point of exhaustion.

"I know." He answered quietly. Spencer didn't believe him. She laid a hand on his shoulder comfortingly and smiled a little teasingly. She was about to speak again when her phone buzzed from her pocket. Frowning down at it, she wandered into the living. She didn't recognize the number- some California area code- but she answered anyway.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Spencer?" The voice sounded vaguely familiar, but the blonde couldn't place it.

"Yeah."

"Hi, it's David." A beat passed and Spencer bit her lip, her eyebrows creasing.

"Oh, hey David."

"Sorry, I don't know if- well, Chelsea gave me your number and I was just wondering-what are you doing tonight?" Spencer wanted to smile at his fumbling, but it was just kind of sad.

"I'm actually going out to a club with my brothers and Chelsea." She told him, secretly grateful that she wouldn't have to turn him down. Things could get messy quickly.

"To Numbers?" Spencer didn't pause, but she was getting sort of worried.

"Yeah."

"A bunch of people are heading down there tonight to see a concert. I'm going with some people and I was actually calling to see if you wanted to go." David chuckled, his confidence slowly building. "But I guess I'll see you there?"

"Sure." Spencer answered, because she could never bring herself to be mean.

"Great. I'll see you later."

"Bye." Spencer shut the phone and slipped it back into her pocket.

_Damn._

The doorbell rang and she glanced out the window to see Chelsea's car parked in the street. Slowly, she stood up and walked into the hallway. Apparently she was gonna have to drop the gay bomb on Chelsea if they were going to really be friends. That familiar squirm of nervousness twined around her stomach. The corner of her mouth dipped.

And as if that wasn't enough, she was gonna have to avoid David all night.

IOIOI

Warm, natural lights doused every inch of the room in light; they painted over wooden tables and a vintage bar, and danced across the stage at the end of the club. It was packed with people, most holding a sweating drink and wedged next to friends. Spencer had claimed a spot beside the bar and Glen hovered near her, his eyes darting across the room in a futile search for Madison.

The bright lights were because of the concert in an hour or so- Need to Breath, if Spencer remembered correctly. Without the lights, the room would have been a mess of teenagers and testosterone. Spencer entertained herself by watching guys push at each other and girls threaten. Glen kept searching and Spencer had to practically drag him into conversation. She was praying that the band would be good, because otherwise the night was seriously going to suck. She couldn't decide if it would be better for Madison to show up or if she wanted to girl to stay far away.

Eventually, the lights slowly dimmed into nothingness, changing color and direction. It was impossible to see anything more than a few feet away, but Spencer could see the stage clearly from her position by the bar, as well as the guy who was currently standing on it. He grinned at the crowd and leaned down to speak into the microphone.

"Hey everybody, thanks for coming out. Tonight, our opening act is gonna be Ashley Davies! Please welcome her to the stage!"

The crowd erupted when his voice died out and Spencer blinked twice before she could actually process his words. _Ashley Davies_? As in, chorus tutor Ms. Davies? As in _Ashley_? Sure enough, the familiar brunette walked onto the stage. Glen leaned closer.

"Is that your chorus teacher?" He yelled into her ear. Spencer nodded dumbly. Ashley looked a lot different outside of the classroom. It wasn't an improvement, really, because the girl was always gorgeous. It was just…hot.

"Hey." She husked into the mic, and Spencer's knees literally weakened. Ashley's eyes were almost everywhere and calmly centered at the same time. A guitar hung from one of her hands and she climbed onto a stool as if she'd been doing it all her life. And as far as Spencer knew, maybe she had. All it took was one strum of her fingers, one inch taken as she leant toward the mic, and the crowd muted to a soft rumble of anticipation. Ashley smirked. Spencer was blushing- she didn't understand why- it felt like Ashley could see her, smothered in the dark, damp crowd with a drink in her hand. It felt like Ashley was staring straight at her.

When the older girl started to sing, Spencer held her breath through the first few notes. It was like that one crystal note she'd heard a few days earlier, just longer and pressed into seperate words. Her usually lilting voice that sounded musical when she was just talking was at its full influence. Spencer, in a flash of coherent- maybe, incoherent- thought, decided Ashley's life would have been better as a musical, because she sang as naturally as she spoke.

So, the night wasn't going to suck after all.


	9. I Like What You Say

_**Chapter Nine: I Like What You Say**_

_Two Years, Eight Months Ago (Junior Year)_

_Her slender fingers trembled against the smooth wood, jittered almost unnoticeably on the finished shine. Hot lights beamed down on her, effectively blinding her and making her sweat, making her tremble a bit more. _

_You never would have guessed._

_Ashley Davies wasn't known for being shy, or caring, or nice. She was known for her short skirts and her big voice, her best friend and her hot body, her shady relationships and her discipline problems. She was known for her disregard- not mean, exactly, just cold. She was known because she didn't give a fuck if people knew._

_But on that stage, under those lights, behind that guitar, you never would have guessed all that. Perched on that stool with half a smile on her face and wide eyes, she looked like any other rookie on open mic night._

_Difference was, she had a spark._

_She smirked nervously, and picked at a couple strings. Eventually, her eyes grew used to the light and she managed to make out Kyla and a few friends crammed around a table, front row. Her smirk grew. Her fingers moved with intent._

_She played like she'd been in front of people since birth, like she'd been dreaming about it for years, like all eyes were made for her. She played with the ghost of her father's guitar, with the vacancy of his voice. She echoed, and she cried out. She played like she didn't give a fuck._

_Difference was, maybe, for once, she did._

IOIOI

Ashley wiped a drop of sweat from a tan corner of her forehead as she crossed the stage A powerful roar, desperate, maybe even adoring, tracked her exit. She never failed to send everyone into an unreleased frenzy and tonight was no different. They were clamoring for her with uneven screams and pounding fists, a hundred pairs of hands beating wildly.

"Great set."

"You were awesome."

Hands landed on her back, on places less appropriate, as she walked toward her small dressing room. Backstage was dark and wooden and she just wanted a beer and a party and some good music with the lights flashing. Or maybe a quiet bedroom. She shut the door behind her and flopped down onto the couch, leaning the guitar on the floor. That had been her first gig in a long time- a year, maybe -and she'd almost forgotten how exhilarating and how draining it was. Her mind was racing a mile a minute, but her body was dragging.

Of course, her phone buzzed from the scratched coffee table. She stretched her fingers for it and prayed it would stop ringing before she reached it.

"Hey." She answered, having no such luck.

"How was it?"

"Intense." Ashley said seriously, then chuckled. "It was great. Forgot how good that felt." She could practically feel Kyla smiling over the phone.

"Well, don't stay out too late, because-"

"Yes, mom." Ashley sighed, cutting her off and squinting her eyes shut. They were still blurred by the hot lights. "I'll be home before two, k?" Kyla was silent for a moment.

"Okaay, Ashley. But, you're-watching-Jenny-when-you-get-here." She rushed the last part out and the dial tone rang in Ashley's ear before she could protest. Too lazy to call back, she lay her arm over her forehead and shut her eyes for a moment, trying to gather flighty thoughts.

The door clicked open and she peeked out from under her hand.

"That was fan-fucking-tastic." The club manager stood just inside her dressing room. He was grinning, hands rubbing together. "You gotta come back again, Ash." Ashley sat up, smiling and shaking her head.

"One time thing, Hanson." She said. He ignored her and edged toward the couch.

"Aww, c'mon Davies. You're back for good, you need to come around again like before." He flopped down beside her and she just shook her head, leaning back beside him. The smile still played across her face.

"Maybe a few times. I've got work though-" Cheers ripped through the walls of the room as Need to Breathe came onto the stage, effectively cutting into Ashley's words.

"You wanna go watch?" Hanson asked, his eyes twinkling.

"What do you think?" He grinned and jumped off the couch, pulling Ashley with him.

IOIOI

Voices bounced loudly off the walls, mixed in with a hundred other sounds, rumbled into constant noise. The slap of change against the bar, the low thrum of barely audible music, the thump of uncoordinated feet- it mixed into the casual atmosphere of the club. Spencer, still a little shell-shocked by Ashley's mind-blowing set, was leaning back against the bar. Glen hovered, still, beside her. She stared idly across the room. Her eyes lingered on the stage were Ashley had been barely five minutes ago and her thoughts circled around the same event.

She was major crushing. It was kind of fun.

A hand landed on her arm, blatantly invading her personal space, and, startled, she glanced over. David stood a couple inches from her, smiling.

"Hey." His voice rose above the crowds around them. He moved a little closer. "What's up? Did you see Ms. Davies?" Spencer nodded, a smile creeping onto her face.

"Yeah, she was awesome." David nodded his agreement.

"Look, I know some people, you want to-" Before he could finish his sentence the band walked onto the stage and the room plunged into darkness. His hand lingered on her forearm. The room burst into cheers. As the first note echoed from a guitar, David leaned in close. "I know some people, " He repeated, "Do you want to watch the show from sidestage?" Spencer met his eyes in the blurry darkness. She paused, too long for it to be comfortable.

"Yeah." She answered. And she'd be lying if she said she didn't have ulterior motives concerning a certain brunette teacher. David wrapped his hand around hers and tugged her through the crowd. They talked their way past a thick bouncer and into backstage and, somewhere in between, Spencer managed to pull her hand from David's.

They ended up in a surprisingly large area to the left of the band, barely shielded by dark red curtains. People milled about and Spencer's eyes flicked from face to face, looking for one in particular. David turned to her, offered a drink, and pouted when he was turned down. Spencer moved away, aiming closer to the stage, still vaguely looking for Ashley.

As she moved around a bulge of curtains, she nudged something unmoving, but walked a few more steps. David lingered too close to her side. He didn't seem completely interested, though, and for some reason Spencer didn't feel threatened. That was probably unwise.

IOIOI

Hanson slid his arm around Ashley's shoulders and leaned back against the wall. Past the faded red curtain and only ten feet away, Need to Breathe rocked out. Ashley's feet were tapping to the music, echoing the beat in her chest. She was lost in the band and the beat when someone bumped into her side. She turned, half an apology out of her mouth, before she recognized the young blonde girl standing beside her. Spencer apparently hadn't even noticed she'd bumped into Ashley, because her eyes stayed flickered across the room. Ashley smiled.

"Hey." She said, just loud enough for Spencer to hear, and nudged the girl. Hanson's arm lingered around her shoulders. Spencer glanced over, a question in her eyes. When she saw Ashley, her eyes widened.

"Hey, Ms. Davies." She turned her body to face the brunette. "I just saw you play, that was… awesome." Spencer grinned, lacking a better word. Ashley moved a couple centimeters closer, Hanson's arm falling off her shoulders. She chuckled a little.

"Thanks. It was alright." She was grinning through, and Spencer could see her excitement easily. They were somehow totally invading each other's personal space, though how they had gotten so close they couldn't tell you. Spencer could see the thick of mascara on her teacher's eyelashes, and the slight damp across her forehead. Her heart thundered in her chest. Ashley smelled so _good_.

"I didn't know you could play guitar." Slipped from her mouth into the space between them.

"Yeah. I play a few things." Ashley shrugged. Behind Spencer, a young guy with dark hair watched them curiously. He moved to the blonde's side and smiled at Ashley. She watched him inch his hand onto Spencer's back, and something in her stomach twisted. Spencer was in a short jean skirt and lace tank top and she looked so young and innocent and daring that Ashley couldn't stand it. Behind her, she felt Hanson move closer, wrapping his arm back around Ashley's shoulders.

It felt like they were facing off, which made no sense.

"Uh, this is David." Spencer introduced the guy, her gesture faltering. Ashley plastered a fake smile on her face. Crowded rooms and other students blackened the line between them, widened it and shoved it in their faces. It was tensed here; so close to a difference but tied apart. They were close, but uncomfortably so; obviously so. They felt exposed.

"This is Hanson, the club manager." Ashley turned to him. He smiled his slimy smirk and shook both their hands. An excruciatingly awkward pause seeped between them.

"I've never been backstage before." Spencer said, desperately trying to ease the tension thick between them. Before Ashley could stop herself- although everything was screaming at her to _think_, everything was holding her back, everything was _not right_- she took Spencer's hand gently. _Wrong, wrong, wrong._ It echoed through her head.

"C'mon, I'll show you around." She said, pulling the girl away. "Be right back." She tossed over her shoulder. Mindfully, she dropped Spencer's hand from hers.

IOIOI

Cement scraped satisfyingly under Spencer's Chucks as she turned down the steps. A splash of dank, yellow light illuminated the broken rock and pebbles, glinting off shattered glass and wet spots Spencer didn't want to think about. She was pretty sure a rat had just darted past her and the unavoidable stink of beer and sweat drenched the whole alley.

"This is what you wanted to show me?" Spencer asked, eyebrows raised. Ashley was hovering on the steps Spencer had just stepped down, her hands avoiding the railing. Their eyes met and Ashley's said one thing- _No_. The brunette shrugged, a tiny smile etching across her face.

"I'm just showing you…L.A." She explained. Then, she laughed. "Sorry, but that Hanson guy wouldn't leave me alone." That was totally untrue. She needed to break away, move into something else. She needed to _test_. "I had to get out of there. I'll take you back inside, if you want." She jabbed a thumb over her shoulder and toward the door. Spencer hesitated, but shook her head.

Out here, rules and taboos faded into nothing.

She liked it.

"It's fine." She said. It was more than that. Ashley's smile stretched a little wider. She bent down and brushed off the second to last step, dirt wiping off on her hand. Dropping into place, she patted the spot beside her. Spencer moved without thinking. She crammed herself into the tiny space between the slick railing and Ashley's warm body, their shoulders touching in a terrifyingly noticeable way.

"So, how's it been so far? Here, I mean." Ashley picked at a hole in her jean. She was suddenly yanked back into high school days and casual flirting- had that been only a year ago? Spencer shrugged and glanced over at the older girl from under her lashes.

"Good, you know. Most parts, at least." She flicked her eyes toward the barely visible street. A smile lit her face. "Chorus is fun." Ashley laughed.

"With me, at least. Ms. James can get pretty intense."

"With you, then. Chorus is fun with you." Spencer grinned, and Ashley's eyes moved over to met hers. They smiled at each other for a split second. When they looked away, Spencer blushed. "You have to play for me next week." She said.

"Sure."

Their eyes met again and those stupid smiles surfaced. Ashley looked away first, her own pink flush staining her cheeks. She leant back against the step and Spencer bent forward.

They were definitely testing.

IOIOI

A hesitant light bloomed on the horizon, drawing pink spiderwebs across a dusty canvas, leaving soft, cotton clouds gently illuminated, ending dreary darkness with a kind morning. Ashley sat on the fat, cream marble ledge of her balcony with her arms curled around her legs and a coffee mug steaming beside her. Her bare feet peeked out from long pajama bottoms and goosebumps prickled on her bare arms as an early morning wind swept past her.

Her fingertips were sore from pounding against crisp keys for the past two hours, and a half-written, jumbled tune echoed in her mind. Green grass spread out twenty feet beneath her and went on for yards and yards, rolling in soft hills she followed with her gaze. Spencer's face was imprinted against her eyelids, present even when she stared straight ahead. Present even when she shut them tightly, when she tried to sleep, when she scribbled notes onto blank paper.

She sighed, her eyes closing. She breathed in fresh, fall air as it tangled with her curls. She didn't notice Kyla until the younger girl poked her in the leg. The younger brunette sat across from Ashley with her own cup of coffee between her hands and mussed hair.

"Morning." The younger girl mumbled, squinting a little in the early light. Ashley smiled, her nose crinkling.

"Morning." She echoed, easing her legs down and lifting her coffee toward her mouth. After a long sip, she quirked her eyebrow in Kyla's direction. "Shouldn't I be the tired one? Didn't you sleep last night?" Kyla only looked at her blankly. Ashley couldn't help the smile spreading across her face. Kyla had never, ever been a morning person. She stood up, bringing her mug with her. "I gotta go to the gym. Call me if you need me."

"'Kay." Kyla said, her gaze lost in the soft morning and the same green hills Ashley was drawn to. Ashley let her smile drift on her face, let it warm with a casual rush of emotion. She passed through the glass pane doors.

Her and Spencer's conversation ran through her mind over and over again; the hour or so they had lost in that damp alley was burned across her brain. Why was the younger girl so undeniably fascinating? It was useless trying to think about anything else. She paused before her closet, but there was no use in changing until she was awake enough to match shorts with a top, so she passed through her bedroom and down the stairs. Jenny was gurgling to herself in her room.

Ashley was pouring a little creamer in her coffee when the side door to the kitchen opened. She was surprised and it was written across her face. No one was ever around on a Sunday morning. A slender girl stood with the rising sun on her back, a bag slung over her shoulder, a hesitant look on her face.

"Hey." She said, one hand shoved into her pocket. Ashley almost dropped her cup of coffee.

"Josie?"


	10. I Just Want to See His Face

_**Chapter Ten: I Just Want to See His Face**_

_Two Years, Five Months Ago (Junior Year)_

"_Just get your shit out and leave." Ashley was fuming, her hands clenched by her sides and her eyes shooting daggers across the room. Josie leaned against the wall, arms folded across her chest. She obviously wasn't going anywhere._

"_Ashley. Seriously, calm down." She said, her tone indifferent. Ashley's fists tightened at her waist and, if it was possible, her glare intensified. _

"_Fuck you, Josie." She couldn't even speak, couldn't even form the right words to show how _disgusted_ she was. How disappointed and _stupid _she felt. "How could you even-" _

"_I needed it, Ashley. My mom needed to buy groceries." Ashley snorted, eyes turning toward the ceiling, shoulders slackening. _

"_Then why didn't you ask?"_

_Josie didn't answer and Ashley fists loosened, until her hands dangled uselessly at her sides._

"_Whatever. Get out." She said, her heart stinging in her chest. Josie paused for a moment, another, considering her options. Finally, without a word or a noise, she pushed off the wall and left the room._

_Later, in the middle of the night, Ashley realized that the other girl hadn't given back the two hundred dollars. By then, tears stained her pillow and burnt pictures had left a sour smell in the room. She buried her face back under the covers and sniffed. It was her first heartbreak, and it was a terrible way to experience it._

IOI

"Spencer, grab the cake!" Paula yelled, one foot out the door, her head tilted back, purse swinging abruptly. Spencer halted in the foyer, spun on her heel, and walked back into the kitchen. The cake sat on the counter in tinfoil. Lifting it, she moved back and almost ran into Glen, who slid into the room with hands on his collar.

"Spencer, where's my tie?" He yanked at the shirt collar sticking up near his ears. His eyes were accusing- as if she had stolen his tie.

"Glen, I have no idea." She brushed past him, cake balanced carefully in her hands. Glen huffed- in a manly way- and slid in the other direction. She hadn't made it to the door when Clay came thundering down the stairs, rolling at the sleeves of his shirt.

"Have you seen my phone?" He asked, easing around her.

"Nope." She slipped out the door before somebody else could ask her for something. She was setting the cake down in the trunk of the car when her phone buzzed from her pocket. Shutting the trunk with one hand, she answered with the other.

"Hello?" She moved back up the driveway.

"Hey." It was David. She could hear the smile in his voice and, though she wasn't quite sure why, it was contagious.

"Hey. What's up?"

"You coming to the fundraiser today?" She could hear cars in the background, and the low thrum of a radio. She nodded, leaning back on her mom's van.

"Yeah, my brother's on the basketball team, so I kinda have to."

"Do you need a ride?" He asked, smooth and confident as always. He was a bit too charming in that sense, but it was the sort of charming she was drawn to.

"Sure." She didn't hesitate. She needed to talk to him, anyway.

"Alright, I'll be there in ten."

"Kay. Bye." She clicked the phone shut and pushed it into her back pocket. She to talk to him because she had to let him down, and she had to let him down because she had a hopeless crush on her chorus tutor, and she had a hopeless crush on her chorus tutor because she totally gay.

She was basically just going to tell him the last part.

"Spencer, get in the car!" Paula yelled from the porch, her heels clicking down the steps, a casserole balanced on her hands.

"I'm getting a ride from somebody else." She called back, moving away from the van and out of Paula's path toward it. The older woman bent down to put the food in the passenger seat and by the time she had straightened up, Spencer was walking up the steps.

"Spencer Carlin!" But the blonde was already through the door. Paula placed her hands on her waist. She was half-glaring, half-confused. A low-slung Mustang pulled up to the curb and Paula turned toward it, hands still on her waist. David slipped out, all dark hair and glittering eyes, and Paula was glued to the cement. He smiled disarmingly.

"Mrs. Carlin?"

"Yes." She was honestly flustered. He walked toward her and offered his hand.

"I'm David Rogers. I'm here to pick up Spencer." He was shockingly confident for a high school student, and Paula placed a hand over her heart without noticing it.

"Well, she's inside." He smiled again and moved around her.

She wouldn't lie- her eyes were glued to him as he swaggered inside.

IOI

Ashley tilted her chair back onto two legs and crossed her cowboy boots on the table. The hot California sun was blinding against the new, grey cement, but she was shielded beneath her white tent. She tugged her sunglasses down over her eyes and let her chair back a few more inches, until she was braced against a silver pole. She shut her eyes.

A few seconds later, someone grasped the back of her chair and yanked her back.

"Holy sh-" She cut off the word before it could escape her lips. She was being held halfway to the ground, her feet now swinging a few feet from the floor.

"Sleeping on the job, Davies." Josie's voice reached her ears, and the other girl tilted Ashley back into an upright position.

"God, don't do that, Josie." Ashley said, standing up once she was safely on the ground. Josie just chuckled and dropped down into a plastic chair a couple feet away.

"What are you even doing?" Josie asked, glancing around the bare tent.

"Waiting for Ms. James." Ashley responded, taking a spot on the plastic table. She was too familiar with Josie's jokes to take offense anymore. She crossed her ankles and swung them beneath the table.

"Are you two fucking yet or what?" Josie asked. Ashley didn't dignify the question with an answer. She found herself wondering why she had let Josie hang around again. "Just kidding." Josie sing-songed. "I'm gonna get a soda, want one?" Ashley just shook her head no, feet still swinging, eyes off on the students milling around the parking lot.

Josie disappeared back into the crowd and Ashley pushed her sunglasses into her hair. Apparently the basketball fundraiser was a big deal, because at least half the student body was there. All the teachers were required to attend and Ashley had dragged Josie along, because Kyla refused to be in the house alone with her. It was hot and boring, and also lame. Plus, Josie was being a jerk. But then again, she always had been, even when she really shouldn't have been.

"_What are you doing here?" Ashley set her cup back down on the counter, afraid it would slip from her fingers now that her brain was completely occupied. Josie shrugged, that familiar smirk crawling onto her face._

"_If I told you I was just in the neighborhood, would you believe me?" She asked, dropping her bag to the ground and hopping up onto the kitchen counter. She'd done it a million times before and the action was so effortless that Ashley was swept back a couple years, into a new relationship and a fresh outlook. Into the way Josie glided in and out of her emotions. It was a sentimental sweetness that didn't last long._

"_Josie…" Ashley said, trying out a name that hadn't passed her lips in months. Josie smirked again, teasing her._

"_Ashley…" She said, her feet swinging restlessly against the counter, dinging small dark marks into the white wall._

"_What the hell are you doing here?" Her tone wasn't bitter or even accusatory, it was neutral. She was neutral. Too much time had passed for the grudge to linger. Josie shrugged, passed off the question, ignored it with a flip of her shoulders._

"_How are you doing, Ash? How's that boy of yours?" Ashley, leaning back against counter, folded her arms._

"_Josie." Ashley warned. This time, Josie tossed her head back and laughed._

"_Ashley. Quit acting like you've just seen a ghost. I am what I yam." She chuckled, her dark eyes twinkling, her teeth glinting. "You gonna welcome me back or what?"_

Ashley feet had stopped swinging sometime during her rush of thoughts, and as she moved them back into motion she caught sight of a familiar blonde head, sunglasses pushed on top. She smiled.

IOI

"You're gay?" His tone was completely indecipherable. He seemed surprised, disappointed maybe, curious, and just a little bit put off.

"Yeah." Spencer said. She was sitting awkwardly in the passenger seat, her hands folded across her lap, one eye cast toward him. Her head was high and her hopes were low. David had one hand on the steering wheel. The other made a tight fist, pressing down into his thigh. They were parked in the school parking lot, shadows dashed across their faces by the low Mustang roof.

"Well." His fingers released, splayed out against his jeans. "Good for you, I guess?" He chuckled awkwardly, his head finally turning toward hers. She met his eyes, the beginning of a smile in her own. "I feel kind of stupid now." He sighed through his teeth, fingers pressing into thick material again, eyes shot out the window.

"Don't. It's not your fault. It's just…you know." She still couldn't put it into words. She just wasn't what he had been expecting, and she certainly couldn't apologize for that.

"Huh." His gaze focused out the window for a moment. "Friends, then?" He asked, turning his body toward her and offering a hand. She smiled, _really _smiled, and shook his hand.

"Of course."

"Cool. Then, let's get to this thing." He was out the door a moment later, pulling hers open, and she was so relieved she was dizzy. She felt like she could breathe, like maybe this wasn't real. But as she stepped into hot California sun- she still wasn't used to the _heat_ of it- she smiled at him, pushed her sunglasses onto her head, and just let it go. They crossed the parking lot, David commenting on the turnout, Spencer joking about some guy's pants, a renewed ease stretching between them.

Then she saw her. It was annoying how gorgeous the girl was. Like, really?

Unconsciously, she started walking that way. Ashley sat on a white table beneath a white tent, her dark hair dulled in the shade. Spencer could only see half of her face, but it was unfamiliar. It was the other side she hadn't been facing for two hours the night before.

They finally made it to the tent, Spencer absentmindedly laughing at one of David's jokes. She leaned in close, too damn close, and grinned beside Ashley's ear.

"Hey." She said, the laugh still in her voice. Ashley turned, almost unsurprised- as if she had been expecting the girl, but not the breath in her ear- and grinned, though she was pulling away.

"Hi." She answered, her eyes flickering to David. There was a flash of recognition and she aimed her smile in his direction, the edge sliding off it. "Hey, David." He held up a hand, the other shoved in his pocket.

"I'm gonna get a drink, do you want anything?" He shot the question at both girls, who shook their head in unison. "Be right back." He said, and left them alone. Spencer thought he was taking this gay thing a little too far.

"So, how are you?" The words were stilted. Spencer could still feel David beside her, as though he was the elephant in the room.

"I'm good. You?" The blonde asked. Ashley nodded, her gaze somewhere else, none of the familiarity of the night before evident in her body language. She looked out of her element. It was all so awkward. Spencer crossed her arms, suddenly shoved back into teacher-student boundaries.

"I'm fine." Ashley said. She hoped Josie wouldn't come back any time soon and peg her and Spencer as fuck buddies or something. It seemed like something Josie would try to do- turn innocent tension into a flag for something else. Spencer sighed and moved a little closer, the table still between them. Her head dipped beneath the shadow.

"So, did your-"

"Ashley!" Ms. James finally appeared, lugging a massive box on a wagon behind her and mindlessly interrupting Spencer. "Help me with this." With one last look at Spencer- who was watching Ms. James, Ashley moved to the older woman's side. Almost effortlessly, she hefted the box onto the white table. Ms. James cut open the duct tape and started lifting gift bags out. She set them in rows on the table, moving quickly, as if in a rush. All of three of them glanced up, startled, when a tall, brown-haired girl walked into the tent.

"You must be Ms. James." The girl bypassed Ashley completely and held her hand out for the woman. "I'm Josie, Ashley's friend." She shot Ashley an unreadable look as Ms. James shook her hand. Then, her gaze turned to Spencer. Her posture completely changed- so suddenly, Spencer almost missed it. "Hey. Who are you?" She was suddenly demure, enticing.

"I'm Spencer." The blonde said, smiling sweetly and shaking Josie's offered hand. There was something about the girl…

"It's great to meet you." Josie didn't let go of her hand for a few long seconds, her head titling forward. Spencer saw Ashley subtly nudge the girl, who instantly released Spencer's hand.

"Spencer. Do you mind helping Ashley for a little while?" Ms. James, who had returned to lining up gift bags, asked the young girl as if she couldn't possibly say no.

"Uh- I mean, sure- why not." Spencer said. Ms. James grinned brightly.

"Great. Josie, you're welcome to stay-"

"Oh, I will." Josie breathed, her eyes all over Spencer.

"-and Ashley, keep 'em organized." Ashley looked a little helpless as Ms. James grinned and walked off, calling over her shoulder. "I'll be back in an hour or so!"

Spencer was still on the other side of the table, hands placed on the edge, thumbs tucked beneath the top. Ashley had been moved off the side, and Josie had slid up to the spot right across from Spencer. She smiled nicely at the blonde girl and Ashley felt put out, suddenly, ad Josie started talking. As if to throw her completely out of the picture, David walked up beside Spencer with a cup of lemonade. He smiled unknowingly at Josie, who had stopped talking.

Ashley sighed under her breath, stupidly and uselessly, and turned around to lift another box.

Spencer shifted her gaze from Josie and David, and watched Ashley pick up another box. Her brain whirred, trying to come up with an excuse to get over to the girl. Josie placed a hand on her arm. David offered her his lemonade. She dragged her eyes away from Ashley

Great.

It was going to be an awesome afternoon.


	11. I Can Barely Breathe

_**Chapter Eleven: I Can Barely Breathe**_

"_I missed you." She hadn't seen him at first; he was smothered in shadows, leaning back into the wall, the red stub of his cigarette blooming in his fingertips. He didn't surprise her- he never could, with all that familiarity- but he did amuse her. He embodied cliché. She almost smiled, after his voice reached her ears._

_Almost._

"_Good for you." She replied, but she didn't leave. He dropped his cigarette, and she watched the red sparks flare in the air before blinking out of existence. He stepped on the end, moved out of the shadows, dropped the half-drunken persona._

"_Ash, don't be like this." His hands were in his coat pockets, his puppy dog eyes pleading with her. She wasn't as cold-hearted as everyone thought. And with him- she sighed, but took a step back._

"_Seriously, Aiden, just shut up. You're annoying when you're drunk." Coldhearted, no. Easily annoyed, yes. Especially with him, after everything. Everything about him brought out exceptions to the rule, different circumstances. He was too far in._

"_I talked to Kyla last night." He offered. She paused. She hadn't heard about that. She and Kyla hadn't been talking since Josie. _

"_And…" Her tone was nonchalant; she was not._

"_We made up- as friends, I mean."_

"_And you're here to ruin it by hooking up with me." Ashley rolled her eyes, her face oddly blank, and moved back until the back of her knees hit the bed. Aiden laughed, hollowly, without a smile._

"_Yep. That was the plan." He said, pissed, frustrated, sarcastic. Confused. Ashley bit her lip and felt a little guilty._

"_Aid-"_

"_Listen, Ashley. I love you. So much it's stupid. But I know we can't be together- I just –can't stay away from you." He managed. She paused, studied his face and his enlarged pupils. Wondered what he was on and when he had started taking it. _

"_Let's talk."_

IOI

Josie was sitting uncomfortably close to Spencer.

She had tugged a chair over to the girl, plopped down, and hadn't shut up since. Ashley was perched on the table behind them, staring at Josie's hands and where they went, and trying not to shove the girl out of her chair and then out of her house. It was stupid, sure. She had no claim over Spencer- so it was stupid, but powerful. There was some lingering resentment toward Josie that was probably coming out now- no way was she that jealous over someone she barely knew, someone so young.

The only thing that made her feel better was David's unsuccessful attempts at dragging Josie into a conversation. He had apparently given up on Spencer and was turning his attentions on the older girl. It wasn't going well, and ended up being kind of amusing, if only because Josie was so _gay_.

The other thing was, Spencer didn't seem all that impressed. Sure she smiled, and laughed, and listened, but she edged away. She didn't lean close when Josie did, didn't give off those subtle hints Ashley had been hoping for in the past couple days.

It was all just awkward, and odd.

Ashley crossed her ankles again and bumped the back of her knees against the table as she carefully swung her legs. In front of her, Spencer leaned out of her seat- cutting Josie off in the middle of her sentence- and picked up her vibrating phone. After glancing at the front, she shot the girl an apologetic smile.

"I've got to get this." She said, and stood up, her eyes darting behind her. They met Ashley's for a second of slow, revealing notions, and then the girl hurried out of the tent, pulling the phone to her ear. Ashley leant back on her hands, set on ignoring Josie.

But, the girl turned in her chair, eager and smiling.

"She's _hot_." Josie said, a hint of surprise in her voice, a hint of want. It grossed Ashley out. This was so stupid.

"Too bad she's a junior in _high school_." Ashley frowned. David watched the two girls and, finally, caught on. His eyes widened. Yeah- he needed to get his gaydar checked out.

"What? Are you gonna go for her?" Josie asked, teasing. Ashley hesitated for a second too long- she knew it, she dove to cover it up, she launched for it. David's eyes got bigger, but he went unnoticed by the two.

"_No_-"

"Ha." The syllable fell from her mouth. "God, Ash. I had no idea." Josie chuckled, turning in her chair for a second before flipping right back to the other girl. "Seriously?" Her eyebrows were up.

"_Not_ seriously. I just tutor her in chorus- you're a total freak. Stop hitting on teenage girls." Ashley had to stop herself from childishly crossing her arms over her chest.

"She's, like, two- three years younger than us." Josie defended. "She's less than a year away from being legal."

"That is the creepiest thing you've ever said! _She's less than a year from being legal_?" Ashley was defensive, shocked- maybe a little appalled. She was hearing her own rationalizations flung back at her, and they sounded as see through as she felt.

"Whatever, Ashley. I'm gonna go get some food. Try not to jump Spencer when she comes back." She was offended. She snatched up her purse and slid over the table.

"Josie…" Ashley called after her, but she didn't put any effort into it. Her words trailed off after the girl.

Sighing, she leaned back against her hands. She was beyond confused at the moment and she couldn't stand it. She hated not knowing what she wanted. She was Ashley Davies; she always got what she wanted- she just had to know what it was.

David coughed awkwardly from across the tent and Ashley glanced up, surprised. She had completely forgotten he was there.

"Oh." Awkward pause, insert awkward smile; the hasty tossing up of student-teacher boundaries. "Hi."

IOI

"I'm so sorry, sweetie." Spencer pressed the phone closer to her ear. Kary had called again- the girl wasn't dealing with her father's illness well at all. She wanted Spencer home, beside her, with comforting words. She had to settle for Spencer's voice whenever she could get it. They weren't exactly romantic, but there was love tied into everything, threaded through their words.

"It just doesn't make any sense." Kary was almost blubbering. She had reached her peak of vulnerability and Spencer just didn't know how to handle it anymore.

"Kary, have you talked to your parents about this at all?" She asked, leaning back against a tree outside of the parking lot. She pressed her fingertips against her forehead and closed her eyes.

"They just- sit –around all the time." She was sobbing. Spencer couldn't help the tear that trickled its way down her cheek. _God_.

"Kary, I'm so sorry. I love you, sweetheart. But I think you need to talk to them about this, okay?" She paused, waiting for a response. "They know so much more than me." She admitted. The girl on the other side of the line drew in a shaky breath, let it out. Spencer couldn't bear to hear her cry, especially when there was nothing she could do about it.

"Alright." Kary finally spoke. Her voice was stronger.

"Okay. I love you."

"I love you too- bye." Spencer snapped the phone shut, hurriedly brushing at the tear making its way down her face. She hated it- _hated_ it- and she didn't know how to handle it.

A gentle hand on her shoulder startled her. She glanced over to see Ashley, with comforting eyes and raised eyebrows, with the barest notion of a smile and the subtle offering of a hug in the tilt of her body and the slack of her arms. She was trying to look like an adult, a mentor, but she'd forgotten how similar that was to a friend.

Spencer couldn't help it, even if it was stupid, even if it was naïve, because Ashley was _there_- in her mind all the time, in her dreams, and now by her side. She slid closer, wrapped her arms around her teacher's waist, and buried her face in the taller girl's shoulder.

Ashley stiffened for a moment.

Her brain kind of short-circuited, skipped a few essential neuroses, and then shuddered to a stop. It was a rusty reaction. She went on instinct, slipping her arms neutrally around Spencer's thin shoulders, pressing her fingers into the girl's bared skin, her eyes a little unsure. Tried not to breathe, though Spencer's chest was silently heaving against hers.

They were at the edge of the school, on the far side of the parking lot, and no one was going to stumble across them. She let Spencer cry into her shoulder and squeeze her close, the girl's wiry arms wrapping easily around Ashley's waist. It was exhilarating- the breaking of such a solid rule with such an impulsive move. It was stupid- it was Spencer, and she couldn't pull away. It was wrong, it was something built in youthful naivete, but she couldn't _move_.

It hurt, too, because the blonde girl was crying into her shoulder and Ashley really wanted her to stop. She couldn't see any reason why Spencer, of all people, should be crying. She was gorgeous, and nice, and should probably only smile her entire life. So she pulled her a little closer- tried to tell herself that she wasn't -and dove into the action beneath that shady tree, outside of that beat-up high school. Sealed her fate.

Finally, Spencer pulled back a little, wiping at her eyes. She couldn't meet Ashley's gaze for a long, sniffling moment. Ashley remembered Josie's words- _Try not to jump Spencer when she comes back_- remembered what they were doing. She couldn't remember why it was supposed to be wrong.

Everything was spiraling.

Spencer lifted her baby blue eyes toward Ashley's dark brown ones and laughed a little self-deprecatingly. She wiped at the last of the tears.

"Sorry, I just…" She trailed off, shot her eyes around. As if suddenly realizing what she had done and what position it had put them in. "I'm really sorry." She was close to tears again, and she went to flee, her body shifting suddenly. Ashley's hand shot out, grabbed Spencer's elbow gently.

"It's okay, Spencer. It was just impulse." She dropped her hand from the girl's skin. "Please stop crying." Her voice was soft, sweet, and almost pleading. They were draped in intimacy, and left in a shallow silence. Spencer's tears slowed. Ashley's heart beat double time.

"Sorry." Spencer sniffled a little, again, and wiped the last of her tears from her face. "My friend is going through some stuff and she's really messed up." She was gazing, eyes lost, out into the parking lot. Her arms tightened across her chest. "I'm just really worried about her."

"I'm sure it'll work out." Ashley promised, unable to think of anything else to say. Spencer seemed to come out of it, and she turned back to Ashley, eyes raking over the older girl's face. The curve of her jaw, the crinkle around her eyes- the face that seemed painfully real when it was only inches away. She couldn't look at the older girl sometimes, because it was like staring a daydream in the face. She lost the ability to think.

"We should probably head back." Spencer said, her face devoid of tears except for one lone drop trailing down her jaw. Ashley reached up, as if to brush it away -Spencer's heart stammered a little- but stalled her hand. She pointed, instead.

"You've got-" Spencer lifted her hand and wiped away the water.

"Am I good?" She smiled, rubbing the tears against her jean skirt. Ashley smiled back.

"You're good. Are you sure you're ready to go back?" Spencer bobbed her head, and took a step out from under the tree.

"David's probably all over Josie by now." She said, with the barest hint of hurt in her voice. It was surprising how quickly he had moved on, but she couldn't blame him for it. Ashley rolled her eyes, shedding the unconquerable jealousy.

"Well, good luck to him." She remarked. Spencer's eyebrow went up and she tilted her head toward Ashley.

"What does that mean?" She asked, squinting a little. Ashley's cowboy boots clicked against the cement sidewalk.

"Josie's gay." She barely shifted her eyes to gauge Spencer's reaction- she didn't realize she was doing it. The younger girl smiled to herself and shook her head a little. Her tears faded into the past, her smile bloomed, when Ashley's footsteps matched hers.

"You know, I kind of guessed…" She admitted, and Ashley chuckled. Their hands bumped obviously as they strolled down the breezeway, and the ache buried beneath Spencer's ribs eased a little. As they reached the main entrance to the school, Ashley moved a little farther away, as subtly as possible. Her fingers tightened, then relaxed.

She didn't want to admit it. It was harder when they shoved it beneath the glare of passing strangers, when they subjected it to random glances. Whatever _it_ was. Those brushing hands, those crushing hugs. The shoulders pressed close, the fervid dreams. The surreal feeling to it all. It was so _bad_. So freaking against the rules that she couldn't consciously think about it without a splash of color creeping up the back of her neck.

They aimed toward the table, not speaking anymore. Ashley longed for the short moments alone. She longed for the feeling that they were just two girls with a few years and nervous smiles between them.

_So_ bad.

IOI

"Hey, can you pass me that pen?"

Spencer glanced up to see Ashley looking at her expectantly. She leaned forward, pulled the pen between her fingers, and slid it down the table toward the brunette.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome." Spencer said quietly, returning to the sheet of music lying before her. Her legs were crossed beneath her on the uncomfortable metal chair, and she stared at the paper as if it would give up its secrets to her. It was late- almost seven –and they'd been there for more than eight hours. David was laid out on the table in the back, Josie sitting beside him. They spoke in low tones- some sort of compromise made between their differing expectations. They had been talking for a while.

Spencer and Ashley manned the front table, like they'd had been doing all afternoon. They kept their distance, never touched, stayed on separate ends of the table. It didn't matter; their eyes said it all. Spencer's trailed over Ashley's body when she bent forward to grab her drink; Ashley's studied Spencer's profile as she scribbled onto sheets of paper. Their gaze lingered a little bit too long. They spoke like only the other could hear. Almost like it was only them or only everyone else. One minute they were wrapped up together in words, and the next farther apart than seemed real.

Josie might have noticed. She held her tongue though, because she couldn't remember Ashley ever looking like that and she didn't want to ruin it. She adored Ashley, really, and was a little protective over her. She didn't have a right, but she'd never asked for one. Spencer and Ashley didn't have the right, and they wouldn't dare ask for one.

There was something dangerous there. The way they separated when they were with other people said it all.

Spencer's eyes were pulled from her papers when she caught sight of a flat, tan stomach hovering before her face. Her eyes flicked up, light blue and a little wide with lack of sleep. Carmen stood over her, tank pushed a couple inches above low-rise jeans, and sunglasses shoved on top of her head.

"Hey." Spencer smiled, tilting her head. She sat back and dropped the pen.

"Hi." Carmen smirked. She had a stupid smile. It was stupid because it was flirty and dangerous. Because it was set a little too far in her eyes. It crept up into their depths, like she really believed in it, and sparkled- stupidly. It was stupid because when it reflected just so in the low light, Ashley could watch it latch onto Spencer's form. Ooze over her skin like some sticky, thick tar, trailing lower and lower until Ashley had to force her eyes away in disgust. Until she welcomed the distraction of another Carlin in favor of being jealous of the other.

Because it was jealously- she could recognize that, at least. Strangely enough, it was the kind she liked. She wasn't jealous because she couldn't have something, she was jealous because someone was taking it from her. Which didn't make any sense unless Spencer was ga-

"Hey. Ms. Davies." Startled, she glanced back over at Glen. He had dropped onto the table in front of her a couple seconds ago, but she had been so wrapped up she'd forgotten about him. She smiled, embarrassed, and a little flustered.

"Hi, Glen." She bent back down to finish scribbling out a note to Ms. James. "What can I do for you?" His pause was a little telling.

"Actually-" He drawled, his tone bored, "-I need my sister back. We're heading home." Ashley shot her eyes over to Spencer, who managed to linger, blonde hair and soft skin, in her peripheral vision whenever she was around.

"Sure, okay." She said, shifting her gaze to the young, dark-eyed girl leaning a little too close to the blonde. "Spencer." She said, barely an octave louder. The girl's head turned toward her instinctively. Ashley jerked a thumb toward Glen. "Your brother needs you." She wanted to look down, glance away- _really_ –but her eyes wouldn't obey. They lingered, Spencer's echoed, until finally she went back to the note in front of her.

She felt, saw, Spencer stand up and move over to her side to talk to Glen. She could smell the girl only a couple inches away. It was stupid. She couldn't stand it for much longer- it had been almost eight hours, for chrissakes, of close bodies and averted eyes.

Finally, Spencer turned back to Ashley. She was way too close then.

"Can you handle closing up without me?" Spencer asked, shifting doubtful eyes across the messy tent and cluttered boxes. Ashley's gaze traveled after, and she lifted a hand to scratch at messy curls.

"Uhh…Probably?" She smiled doubtfully, eyes turning back to the younger girl. "If you've got to go, that's fine. I'll make Josie help." Spencer smiled at that and shrugged.

"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow morning." She caught Ashley's eyes and a couple unspoken thoughts slipped between. They seemed good at those. Finally- unfortunately –she stepped backwards, away from her teacher, and turned back to pick up her purse. Catching sight of Josie again, she smiled and threw her a little half-wave. The other girl flashed a peace sign and smirked. Ashley had to restrain an eye roll.

"Bye, Ms. Davies." Glen even had a sleazy voice to go along with those fake bedroom eyes, Ashley discovered. She looked back over at him and smiled. She couldn't help it. He was amusing.

"Yeah, bye Glen." She said, half a laugh in her voice. Spencer slipped out of the tent and around the pole, her eyes finding Ashley's again. She waved, a couple fingers fluttering in the air, and a tiny smile peeked out. Ashley grinned back, holding up her own fingers, the magenta tan of a sunset splaying between the nails and glinting off Spencer's hair.

They were stupid- that was for sure.


	12. I Go Blind

**Chapter Twelve: I Go Blind**

_Two Years, Two Months Ago (Junior Year)_

"_I guess it couldn't have gone worse." Ashley runs the cigarette under her nose- a habit -and stares out into pitch black. The bright white glare of the streetlight makes an empty reflection in her eyes and Aiden looks away. She's different, this Ashley. She's almost as forlorn, almost as discarded as he is. She leans back against the rusty sides of the truck and slides a lighter from her pocket. _

"_I guess." Aiden agrees, and lets his elbows rest on his knees. He's frowning, his eyebrows creased, and Ashley sweeps her eyes over his face before looking away. She doesn't know why she let them end up like this. _

_They're in the back of his dad's old truck, parked at the edge of the theater's parking lot. Brand new street lights stream down around them. It's past three in the morning and Ashley's cheek is still pink from the impact of Kyla's hand. Aiden drops his head onto his arms._

"_She'll get over it." Ashley says, in a dry voice that isn't her own. There's no answer. Minutes pass and she drags on her cigarette. It's a terrible habit, a future-ending one, but with her sister's angry words echoing in her ears and Aiden's legs against hers, she feels she's earned it. _

_Finally, he raises his head._

"_Don't you have a show tomorrow?" He asks, glancing at the cigarette in her hand. _

"_Yeah." She says, and takes another drag, just to elicit some emotion. He reaches over, plucks it out of her hand, and tosses it onto the cement. She has half a thought of shoving him away, jumping out of the truck, walking until she's back home, but then she's kissing him. _

_The go down under that streetlight, in a rusty truck bed, and Ashley wonders why she let it get so bad._

IOI

Spencer stopped noticing it after a while.

She didn't ignore it- honestly –she just forgot to be awkward about it. She forgot that there were reasons why it shouldn't be happening. And, maybe, she didn't really believe it was possible. They locked themselves in that half-furnished classroom with the lights off and told each other secrets. It wasn't romantic- not yet. In fact, she wasn't sure if it ever would be. Ashley was getting so close to her, so near that Spencer couldn't look around her anymore. She was falling in stupid, doomed love.

She didn't really notice.

Wasn't love supposed to sweep you up, blind you to normal problems? She was blind, certainly, but so blind she didn't even realize it. Ashley was right in front of her, constantly, deliberately, and Spencer forgot that the older girl was new. Forgot that there were rules and stuff, forgot about all the dating rituals they were imitating. They weren't usual in any sense. They rarely saw each other in public. For a long week, they drowned in each other's private company, stolen in short hours and passing smiles.

Spencer brought coffee from the place down the street on Tuesday and Thursday, and Ashley bought expensive pastries and cappuccinos from the bakery by her house on every other day- they had agreed on it sometime during that long Sunday fundraiser. They split the bread sitting on the desk, and spread it on napkins, sipping at coffee. Ashley would laugh, her knees pulled close to her body, her dark eyes sparkling in the gray light. She would grin, letting her eyes linger. It was so deliciously wrong- so excruciatingly right. They fit.

Ashley could never finish Spencer's sentences. Couldn't guess what she was thinking. She was fascinated by the younger girl- the way her head tilted innocently, the way she flushed when Ashley caught her staring. If she was staring, that is- there was always that slight doubt. It was instinctive, if no words had been spoken to disprove it.

They didn't make it anything more. They kept it at early morning smiles and sleepy eyes. A week passed. They dreamed about each other. They smiled in the car on the morning- Glen always eyed Spencer warily when she dropped into the front seat, blue eyes sparkling. Kyla didn't say anything, because Ashley made Jenny's breakfast and her coffee, and smiled genuinely. She didn't want to mess that up.

Ashley wrote, every day. She wrote songs at three in the morning, at five in the afternoon. She couldn't stop herself- it was starting to scare her a little. Some were good, some not so much. All that mattered was the ink on the paper and the calluses reforming on her fingers. She hadn't played for Spencer yet. In fact, they hadn't even started voice lessons again. Not since Ashley's hands had been pressed against Spencer's stomach, since her heart had thrummed with the closeness. It wasn't that it was dangerous, just that it was stupid.

Everything about them felt stupid.

Stupid with impulse, stupid with fear, with hesitation, and supposed familiarity. Stupid with ignorance, or maybe just chosen delusion. They were falling in stupid love, but neither was able to admit it. They saw themselves as odd friends, or restrained _something_. Something weird, or poetic, or young. They _were_ young.

They told each other everything, except that they were gay. They closed their lips tight on that subject, shied away from talking about relationships. That was telling in itself, but they were stupid. It was Friday and they were so wrapped in their early morning delusions that nothing existed from dawn 'til the end of first period. God, they were caught up in each other.

"So." Ashley was there first, cross-legged on the teacher's desk- her desk. A simple, white paper bag sat in front of her. "I got apple Danishes today." She reached inside as Spencer climbed up onto the desk beside her and grabbed the coffee from behind the keyboard.

"I love apple anything." Spencer smiled, accepting the Danish from Ashley's fingers.

"I know." Ashley said simply, catching her eyes for a split second. She shifted hers away and went back to digging through her bag. "And some bagels, and this weird…bread…thing." She fished it out, and held it up for inspection.

"It kind of looks like an éclair." Spencer said, frowning as she stared at it. She bit into her apple Danish. Ashley shrugged and took a bite. She chewed thoughtfully.

"It's good, whatever it is." She held it out to Spencer, who lifted it toward her mouth and took a small bite. Ashley watched her distractedly, unable to hide her fascination when Spencer's _face_.

"Definitely good." Spencer smiled, handing it back. Ashley dropped it into the bag. "What are we doing today?" She was a little nervous about the answer. Ashley always had something planned for them- something musical, of course, but completely unrelated to the class they were supposed to be in. Yesterday, they had listened to Jimi Hendrix, lying flat out on their backs in the middle of the classroom- all the lights off and the door closed. Spencer had shut her eyes, her heart thumping solidly in her chest, Ashley's breath a few inches away. She had listened to the wail of a guitar and felt so tortuously close to her teacher's warm body that her hairs had stood on end.

That was why Spencer got nervous. Things like that.

"I don't know, actually. Ms. James said she had a surprise for me and to _suspend_ lessons for the day." Ashley ripped another piece of Danish off and popped it into her mouth. "I guess we wait." She said, curling her legs beneath her. There was a quiet pause, the silence dripping through the classroom. "So what'd you do last night?" Spencer smiled to herself.

"I went for a run with Glen and helped my Dad make spaghetti. And did my homework. And slept." She smiled, leaning back on her hands. "What about you?"

"I had to watch Jenny- my niece, for Kyla- my sister." Ashley made a face, but her dark eyes were sparkling. "And she made me watch Spongebob with her." Her eyebrows went up and Spencer chuckled.

"How exactly did she _make_ you watch Spongebob? Isn't she, like, one?" Spencer asked, laughter in her voice. Ashley laughed then, and the open sound of it caught up in Spencer, tied her in knots. She blushed.

"Well, that doesn't mean-" Ashley was interrupted by the click of an opening door. She and Spencer both glanced over at the classroom door to see Chelsea peeking in. The other girl smiled. If she was surprised to find her friend and her teacher sharing a desk and Danish, she didn't show it.

"Ms. James wants to talk to you, Ms. Davies." Chelsea said. The syllables rolling off her tongue- _Ms. Davies_ –made Spencer uncomfortable. The separation between teacher and student- the one so blatantly missing from their relationship –painted her a picture of their isolation. She was _different_. _They_ were different. It was a soft realization, but she tried to push it away.

Ashley glanced over at Spencer as she slid down from the desk.

"If I'm not back, do you mind…" She waved a hand toward the remains of their breakfast. Spencer nodded.

"Sure, of course." She answered, feeling awkward while still perched on the desk. Ashley looked at her for one last second and Spencer barely held the gaze. Then, she was gone, across the classroom, and Spencer was chasing her with her eyes. She was _Ms. Davies_ again, with skinny jeans and curly hair, with an authoritative, untouchable attitude, and Spencer was a world away.

"Is this all you do?" There was laughter in her voice, but Spencer could hear curiosity in Chelsea's tone. The girl walked closer, glancing around the darkened room.

"Nah, it's just a Friday thing." Spencer lied. She slid off the desk, started sweeping crumbs from the surface. Chelsea wandered over and pushed the plastic trashcan toward Spencer with her foot.

"Lucky." She sighed, her eyes still traveling. They danced across the white board, smeared with green and blue ink after Ashley's failed attempts at drawing Spencer, trailed over the upturned chairs, remnants of an impromptu drum set. Spencer felt exposed, suddenly. Wide freaking open.

"How are you and Clay?" Spencer cut off those feelings with filler words, hopping back up onto the desk. Tried to shove Chelsea into a place that had only contained her and Ashley- tried to make them boring, disconnected. Chelsea smiled, her lips curling, eyes warming.

"Your brother is so sweet." Spencer watched the other girl's eyes light up, her focus shifting. "We're going to a film festival this weekend." Chelsea lowered her eyelashes, blushing a little. Spencer was fascinated. She had never seen someone react to Clay like that. Clay was sweet and nice and naïve and not… blush-inducing. Spencer opened her mouth to respond, but the classroom door opened again, this time swiftly, and Ashley darted in.

"Ohmygod, guess what?" She was grinning, and Spencer slid off the desk, instinctively, to get closer.

"What?" She asked. Ashley left the door open behind her and walked forward, still smiling.

"We're getting a piano in here!" She exclaimed. Spencer smiled. The older girl moved toward the desks, pushed them against the wall. Spencer and Chelsea went to help without really knowing what they were doing.

"A piano?"

"Yeah, they're just storing it in here, but we can use it in the morning." Ashley was apparently really excited and it was amusing and endearing and adorable at the same time. It made a tiny smile linger on Spencer's mouth as her eyes darted toward her teacher.

"We're getting it right now?" The blonde asked. Ashley nodded, pushed the last desk against the wall, and turned back to the middle of the classroom. The center was completely cleared out now- although their "drum set" had been left untouched- and she placed her hands on her hips, a smile creeping onto her face.

"A piano." She turned to Spencer, her smile widening. "I'll play for you." She promised, eyes locking with Spencer's for two long beats. Then, her eyes darted to Chelsea, who had been forgotten for a second. She shifted her smile, her eyes, and turned away. A distressing pit rolled in her stomach, some combination of nervousness and guilt. Spencer watched her carefully.

"You ready, Ashley?" Ms. James walked in, hand pausing on the doorframe. Ashley smiled and nodded. Her eyes darted back to Spencer's.


End file.
